7 (First Grade Girls) + 3 (Unprepared Educated Adults) = 1 Idiot (Me).

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That's Me in the Hat.My yet-to-find a job 1st grader just had her 7th birthday party. She loved it. The most exciting thing she has ever done, until the next exciting thing she does (I have never met anyone who is so happy… I can assure you she doesn’t get this from me).

We survived (if you count survival as finding me rocking back and forth in the fetal position in the back of my bedroom closet… oh, I survived).

When my wife first mentioned the idea of a sleepover I thought what a wonderful idea. I am an idiot.

It was 3 adults vs. 7 little girls. The adults have a combined 417 years in education. The 7 girls read Dr. Seuss and worship Miley Cyrus.

I thought this would be easy. Almost too easy. In a way, I felt bad for the girls.

My assumption was we could easily draw upon our experiences as teachers (2) and administrator (1) to outwork them, outsmart them, and eventually break their little spirits.

Did I mention I am an idiot?

When they arrived, all of their parents wished us good luck. I laughed out loud (in my head). They looked at us like we were idiots. Turns out they were on to something.

Once we rounded up all of the little girls in one area (this took a while), I looked all 7 of them directly in their little beedy eyes. I was intent on telling them who was in charge.

They looked back at me and didn’t even flinch.

And then they ripped out my soul.

It wasn’t even close. The 3 adults were overmatched, outsmarted, and the girls eventually wore us down (this all took place in the first 27 minutes… only 17 more hours to go).

The good news is if I made it through this, how hard could my daughter’s teenage years possibly be? Please don’t answer this because in my mind I am visiting a little place I like to call… Dreamland.

I learned a lot over the course of these young ladies’ visit (or attack).

One, for every 1st grade girl you add to the mix; the sound (or screams) go up 18,000%. This formula is not taught in high school algebra, because if it was, no one would reproduce and humans would eventually die off like the dinosaurs.

I for one am okay with this.

Secondly, 1st graders are starting to become embarrassed by their parents, yet they still want to call them at 12:30 a.m. if their belly hurts.

Third, I have the ability to stand in front of high school students, teachers, staff and somewhat hold their attention while I speak.

First graders mock me. To my face. A lot.

Fourth, as adults we have created a younger version of us that is far more intelligent than we were as 7 year olds. Technically, they are smarter than us now, but you need to find this out on your own. May I suggest a sleepover?

Lastly, listening in on 1st graders’ conversations is an education in itself.

They talk about computers, cell phones, travel teams for athletics, their teachers, being President when they grow up, and boys. Hours and hours of talking about boys.

Did I mention all the talk about boys? This doesn’t bode well for the teenage years does it? I am an idiot.

Eventually, they stopped talking long enough to sleep for 3 hours. When they awoke, they were refreshed (and even more evil; if that is possible).

We were tired. They were not. We were ready for them to leave. They were just getting started.

How can 7 girls who don’t have the energy to fall off the couch and pick up their rooms, be able to run and run and run through the house? All while giggling?

Plus you should see how much 7 1st grade girls can eat (even more than the third adult supervisor… the mother-in-law). They not only broke my spirit, but they tried to break me financially.

When I went to Pizza Hut to pick up the girl’s first snack, the nice man behind the counter asked me what I was doing with the 4 pizzas and 4 orders of breadsticks.

I told him, 1st grade sleepover. He asked boys or girls? I answered, girls. He laughed out loud. And then he said good luck.

This is my last time hosting a sleepover. Ever.

Until our daughter asks us to do it again.

I know; I am an idiot.

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11 Responses to “7 (First Grade Girls) + 3 (Unprepared Educated Adults) = 1 Idiot (Me).”

  1. Pat
    on Mar 22nd, 2008
    @ 4:50 pm

    I couldn’t stop laughing! This was great. I could see the whole scene and I could definitely hear the screaming. Glad it was at your house and not mine. (I would have thought administrators were smarter than this but I guess I was wrong! lol)

  2. Chan
    on Mar 22nd, 2008
    @ 8:36 pm

    Enjoy this special time because before you know it she will be in middle school and…well…umm. Yea, just enjoy this time.

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  7. Janna
    on Feb 2nd, 2010
    @ 1:56 pm

    Hi Michael,
    I am a special education graduate student with Professor Pete Post from Trinity Christian College. As an assignment requirement, we had to read one of your blogs and comment. I chose the first grade sleepover specifically by the title since I have spent 5 of my 7 years of teaching in a first grade classroom. By reading this post, I find it funny how similar 1st grade girls are both in and out of school. This brought me back to some fond memories I have of a group of 4 1st grade girls I had last year all best friends. The way you described your daughter and her friends is the same way these 4 musketeers in my classroom behaved almost everyday :) . Overall, 1st grade girls are truly a joy. It has been a pleasure reading posts on your blog.

  8. sharon
    on Feb 11th, 2010
    @ 3:01 pm

    You think 7 1st grader girls are a handful, try a family of 10 with about a year apart in age and see what will and can happen. God bless my parents, they knew how to hand our energy. They put us to work. It is amazing after all these years, we still have a great time playing tricks and telling stories about all the silly things we did and tried.

  9. Lanie
    on Mar 3rd, 2010
    @ 12:37 am

    Fantastic post. Reminds me of when I was a little girl.

  10. Jackie
    on Mar 19th, 2010
    @ 4:35 pm

    Are your ears still ringing?

  11. Karen
    on Mar 27th, 2010
    @ 4:53 am

    Michael, since I only recently discovered your blog (Thanks, Twitter) I only just now read this post. I laughed almost as hard as when I read my 27 year old daughter’s blog about her first venture into teaching music to a class of 27 first graders who all decided to cry in symphony when they did a “spooky’ song at Halloween.
    Anyway, it brought back fond memories of 28 years of teaching mostly first grade before I became a principal. Sometimes when things get tough I go to recess with first grade or just go hang out with them. They are always glad to see you and often hold you up as being more important than mom or dad. From the date on your post I assume your first grader has turned into a third grader. How are THOSE sleepovers working for you (because I know you got sucked into doing more of them)?

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