My yet-to-find a job 1st grader just had her 7th birthday party. She loved it. The most exciting thing she has ever done, until the next exciting thing she does (I have never met anyone who is so happy… I can assure you she doesn’t get this from me).
We survived (if you count survival as finding me rocking back and forth in the fetal position in the back of my bedroom closet… oh, I survived).
When my wife first mentioned the idea of a sleepover I thought what a wonderful idea. I am an idiot.
It was 3 adults vs. 7 little girls. The adults have a combined 417 years in education. The 7 girls read Dr. Seuss and worship Miley Cyrus.
I thought this would be easy. Almost too easy. In a way, I felt bad for the girls.
Did I mention I am an idiot?
When they arrived, all of their parents wished us good luck. I laughed out loud (in my head). They looked at us like we were idiots. Turns out they were on to something.
Once we rounded up all of the little girls in one area (this took a while), I looked all 7 of them directly in their little beedy eyes. I was intent on telling them who was in charge.
They looked back at me and didn’t even flinch.
And then they ripped out my soul.
It wasn’t even close. The 3 adults were overmatched, outsmarted, and the girls eventually wore us down (this all took place in the first 27 minutes… only 17 more hours to go).
The good news is if I made it through this, how hard could my daughter’s teenage years possibly be? Please don’t answer this because in my mind I am visiting a little place I like to call… Dreamland.
I learned a lot over the course of these young ladies’ visit (or attack).
One, for every 1st grade girl you add to the mix; the sound (or screams) go up 18,000%. This formula is not taught in high school algebra, because if it was, no one would reproduce and humans would eventually die off like the dinosaurs.
I for one am okay with this.
Secondly, 1st graders are starting to become embarrassed by their parents, yet they still want to call them at 12:30 a.m. if their belly hurts.
Third, I have the ability to stand in front of high school students, teachers, staff and somewhat hold their attention while I speak.
First graders mock me. To my face. A lot.
Fourth, as adults we have created a younger version of us that is far more intelligent than we were as 7 year olds. Technically, they are smarter than us now, but you need to find this out on your own. May I suggest a sleepover?
Lastly, listening in on 1st graders’ conversations is an education in itself.
They talk about computers, cell phones, travel teams for athletics, their teachers, being President when they grow up, and boys. Hours and hours of talking about boys.
Did I mention all the talk about boys? This doesn’t bode well for the teenage years does it? I am an idiot.
Eventually, they stopped talking long enough to sleep for 3 hours. When they awoke, they were refreshed (and even more evil; if that is possible).
We were tired. They were not. We were ready for them to leave. They were just getting started.
How can 7 girls who don’t have the energy to fall off the couch and pick up their rooms, be able to run and run and run through the house? All while giggling?
Plus you should see how much 7 1st grade girls can eat (even more than the third adult supervisor… the mother-in-law). They not only broke my spirit, but they tried to break me financially.
When I went to Pizza Hut to pick up the girl’s first snack, the nice man behind the counter asked me what I was doing with the 4 pizzas and 4 orders of breadsticks.
I told him, 1st grade sleepover. He asked boys or girls? I answered, girls. He laughed out loud. And then he said good luck.
This is my last time hosting a sleepover. Ever.
Until our daughter asks us to do it again.
I know; I am an idiot.