Chocolate Milk Tastes Better When I am Not Being Violated.


Beware of the Chocolate Milk Kid.There are lots of good things about being a school administrator. The stress, the long hours, and the unhappy ____________ (fill in the blank with employees, staff, parents, community members, other community’s members, students, board members, the state board of education, and people at the post office who know everything we need to do to fix education).

In my estimation the good administrators are able to deal with the challenges I listed above and more importantly can focus on all of the good aspects of education. Such as: great students, parents, teachers, staff, and board members.

Granted, some days are easier than others, but by forging ahead, being prepared, keeping a positive attitude, staying organized, and always keeping your head on a swivel, it is possible to survive days, weeks, and in rare instances even years.

One of the absolute best things about being an administrator are kindergarten kids. They have the ability to keep teachers and administrators smiling on even the most challenging of days. They are without fail the happiest, most upbeat students in a school district.

Every year, they are truly excited about the school day, love their teacher (and sometimes even the principal), and certainly smile more than any other group.

I am sorry to report that they do have a dark side.

A few days ago, I was standing in the hallway, drinking my chocolate milk, and trying to mind my own business as the students arrived for what seemed like just another day. Unfortunately I got complacent and broke one of my own cardinal rules.

I didn’t have my head on a swivel. This should be lesson #1 in administrative classes. Always, and I mean always keep your head moving at least 360 degrees and be on the lookout for trouble within a radius of 2 miles.

As I stood in that hallway, it seemed like an ordinary day (this is a joke- there are no ordinary days in education). A large gang of kindergarteners made their way past me and most said “Good morning” or “Hi”, even the one I now refer to as “Touch Me Again and I Will Scream like a Little Girl.”

You see, on that particular day the last one in the group walked by and said “Hi Mr. Guy Who Always Wears a Tie” (I can’t list my real name because of the embarrassment and shame it would bring to my family and school district- actually, I just don’t want to be made fun of when I am in public).

Sadly, after he said hello, he then preceded to smack, tap, or touch me right in the chalk and erasers (I am still not sure what exactly happened because the shock, the horror, and the nightmare continue to haunt my dreams).

I nearly drowned in my own chocolate milk. The little guy didn’t even break stride, turn around, or even acknowledge that he had just broken 12 different schools rules, committed at least a misdemeanor, compromised my personal space, and left me a shamed and broken man.

I looked around for an administrator so that I could file a grievance, charges, or just have this young person hunted down, but as usual they are never around when you need one (also I joke- I am the administrator).

The only adults in the vicinity who could have been of assistance were two teachers and I noticed they weren’t much help. This occurred to me as I saw them doubled over and laughing hysterically (not with me, but at me).

That made three people doubled over in the hallway on that particular morning (for those of you keeping score at home).

As I reflect on this incident, I have learned two valuable lessons.

One, I must always be on the lookout for trouble (especially below me). And two, don’t expect people to rush to your defense when a kindergartner smacks you in the chalk and erasers.


11 Responses to “Chocolate Milk Tastes Better When I am Not Being Violated.”

  1. Kelly Christopherson
    on Nov 11th, 2007
    @ 9:30 pm

    I laughed, doubled over, tears streaming down my face. I could barely breath. My wife was concerned because I usually don’t laugh much and, nearing middle age, she wants to make sure it’s natural death. As an administrator, your story is so true. I’ve learned never to have my hands in my pockets, to not look up when high-fiving the kindergartens and never get in the way when the recess bell rings. All these experiences, which I’d like to thank my therapist for helping me through, have reinforced that small children are not to be trusted. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Sue
    on Nov 21st, 2007
    @ 8:24 pm

    This made me cry…chocolate milk in the hallway, $.60, this story, priceless!

  3. Dave Meister
    on Nov 27th, 2007
    @ 11:13 pm

    Wow! I think I owe you for about a year and a half of therapy and at least a month of dues at the local YMCA. I feel great (I have not laughed so hard in years! And my stomach feels so much more toned after several minutes bent over heaving in laughter not being able to breath! A high school principal who used to be an elementary principal salutes you!

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    [...] principal have? In fact, how did they even keep busy throughout the day? You can only walk down the hallway so many [...]

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    on Jul 19th, 2009
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    [...] sense of despair that covers your whole body because you might find out that you have the worst kid in school in your class (again…he was held back… [...]

  7. The School Year is Gone. My Sanity Can Now Return. | PrincipalsPage The Blog
    on Jul 19th, 2009
    @ 10:50 am

    [...] my chalk and erasers are feeling better (they have had 8 months to [...]

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    on Jul 21st, 2009
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  9. Kyle
    on Feb 2nd, 2010
    @ 12:41 pm

    Hahaha! You got hit in the ….. !!!

  10. Washington Irving
    on Feb 2nd, 2010
    @ 12:46 pm

    I’m terribly sorry about what happened to you. I can’t imagine the pain and humiliation you were put through having your chalk and erasers tapped by a toddler. Actually, I kinda know what you’re going through. One time when I was in 7th grade, well I guess it was the summer going into the 8th grade, oh well, tiny details, lolz. Well, I had this one good friend of mine, his name was Phineas, but I called him Finny. We lived by a huge river, and next to it was this huge tree, with this huge branch sticking out over the huge river. The eighth graders always used to jump to the other side of the river, so we felt we had to contribute to the war effort and attempt a “Double-Jump”, I know, it sounds suicidal. We began climbing up the tree, and strange piano music started playing in the back of my mind, I still hear that music whenever I climb trees or go skiing. Anyways, Finny was a lot better at physical activities than I was, and I was rather jealous. So when we were both on the limb. Get this, I “jounced” the limb, you know, sort of a blind impulse. It was kind of funny to see him lose his balance, and even funnier when I ignored his attempt to grab my hand and restore balance. Then he fell to his death, no just kidding, he only busted his leg. Plus he could no longer play sports, I guess he definitley got the short end of that stick. I guess that makes you Finny, and me the kid who violated you. Anyways, stay strong, I’m pulling for ya.

  11. Richard
    on May 18th, 2011
    @ 2:41 am

    This may be the best blog you’ve ever written. :D

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While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.