Cross the Baggage Handler and You’re Going to be Sorry.

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I Wish My Luggage Was This Nice.I spent a day and a half in Chicago this past week. You would think I was doing some high level business thing, or having meetings, or even attending a convention of some sort.

Nope. Driving my wife back and forth as she does important stuff. At school, I am in charge of several things, but at home I am in charge of nothing.

While in the big city, I noticed several things. Here is what I learned.

1. If you stand in the middle of the sidewalk and stare up at the tall building, you might as well put a sign around your neck that says “I am a redneck from the small town of Hickory, USA, please take my money”.

2. The more people in a city, the less they want to interact with each other. Never make eye contact, never speak, because if you do it is assumed that you are a murderer.

3. Everyone in Chicago has a cell phone. If you want to speak to them, give them a call- but remember- never face to face.

4. Always look left before you cross the street. Failure to do so will result in a cab driver cursing you in some sort of loud Middle Eastern language that you have never heard before (but you will understand the meaning).

5. If you are difficult with the suitcase guy in the hotel, your bag will return to you in 48 hours smelling like urine.

6. Free Internet Access at a Marriot only costs $14.95 per day or 50 cents per minute (you do the math).

7. Drinks that cost $9.00 each don’t taste any better than a $2.50 drink in Hickory, USA.

8. If you fall asleep in a Chicago hotel, the city automatically sends out 14 ambulances and fire trucks with sirens blaring to wake you up.

9. It is sad to see a homeless person on the street. It is even sadder when the homeless person has a watch, a cell phone, and a $57 coffee from Starbucks.

10. One way streets are always going the wrong way when you are lost.

11. I don’t care who you are, kids that can text-message with both hands on two phones are very impressive.

12. People in the city must get sick a lot, because there is a Wal-Greens every 27 feet. Seriously, you can’t find a cop; but cough medicine, magazines, gum, and foot powder are everywhere.

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3 Responses to “Cross the Baggage Handler and You’re Going to be Sorry.”

  1. Greg
    on Oct 4th, 2007
    @ 2:20 pm

    I hope you’ll head over to read my full response to your post.



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