Airplanes Are Giant Tubes of Infection.

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Say Hello to Mr. Germ.

This may be my best blog title ever.

Or the most disturbing.

Now that I think about it, it’s probably both.

When I flew to Miami, my main concern was not crashing into anything (primarily the ground).

If you haven’t flown a lot, let me break it down for you.

Flying isn’t bad.

Flying into the side of a mountain is bad.

Please feel free to share this travel tip with your friends (no charge).

As I traveled across this country there was a lot of talk about the swine flu.  I’m not exactly sure what all the excitement is about because I didn’t see a single pig who looked nauseous.

But, I did see hundreds of humans who are gross.

Schools work very hard to teach students personal cleanliness.  This is good.

We then send them home to adults who are disgusting.  This is bad.

I noticed that many adults don’t cover their mouths when they cough (use your arm people).  They sneeze into their hands and then touch every public object within 200 feet.  Worst of all, they use public toilets but not public sinks.

Call me crazy.  Call me a germaphobe.  Call me paranoid.

But who doesn’t wash their hands after they use the restroom?  Especially when they are about to board a plane.  The same plane on which I am boarding.

And trapped in.

For 3 hours.

It’s sick when you think about it…

…sitting among 120 perfect strangers who couldn’t find a bottle of Germ-X if you slapped them upside the head with it.  I’m no scientist, but I’m guesstimating there had to be at least 18,407 germs on the plane.

There could have been more, but I avoided the restroom.

The germs are everywhere.  In the air, on the seats, and stuck to the pages of the airline magazines that are shoved in the back of the seat (next to the barf bags).  If that isn’t enough, there is a germ festival taking place all over those “complimentary” blankets.

Do you know why the blankets are free and an extra small bag of pretzels costs 3 dollars?

Because even the airlines realize they can’t rent those disease-laden blankets for a quarter.  Trust me, if they could, they would.

The good news is I’ve been back from my trip for 3 whole days and I’m still breathing (without a ventilator).

This has come as a total shock to me.

I was convinced I would have some sort of a disease by now.  At the very least a disorder that involves drooling and a facial tick.

Evidently I wasn’t meant to be sick.

I’m as healthy now as when I boarded the Flying Infection Tube (which was delayed 2 hours by the way… even germs aren’t on time).

I’m a lucky man.

At least this time.

My advice… the next time you travel by plane, don’t worry about the landing.  Worry about the free blanket.

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2 Responses to “Airplanes Are Giant Tubes of Infection.”


  1. Pam Franklin
    on Oct 23rd, 2009
    @ 1:08 pm

    I love reading your blogs, and I just have to know: are you this funny at staff meetings? If so, are there any openings for a Special Ed teacher at your school?


  2. Angie
    on Oct 26th, 2009
    @ 7:37 am

    Know why you didn’t get sick? Because you grew up playing in dirt and sometimes eating it (I’m just guessing). We are living in a society that’s so intense about using GermX that we’re killing our kids’ natural immunities. I only make my kids use antibacterial gel certain times: state fair petting zoo, baseball field public bathroom, pig farms. The rest is just good immunity building!

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