Are Teachers So Dry They Need Buckets of Lotion?

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Every year school ends.Teachers Love Apples!

And every year my wife comes home with a U-haul truck full of lotion.

That’s just how she rolls (don’t judge her).

Being a fourth grade teacher has many challenges.

One being how can she possibly drink out of the 1,412 “#1 Teacher” mugs she has received over the course of the last decade.

Trust me, I’m not exaggerating.

I’ve counted them.  She has 1,412.

If you don’t believe, stop by our next yard sale.

It’s buy one mug, get 1,411 free.

Now, if you are a high school teacher this blog is making little or no sense.

That’s because at a certain point students stop buying gifts for their teachers.

So if you are a high school teacher and you’re reading this blog while drinking out of a “#1 Teacher” mug… stop it.

Because you evidently purchased it for yourself and that’s just wrong.

And creepy.

Everyone knows you can’t self-proclaim yourself the “World’s Greatest Teacher”.  Only 7 year olds can do that.

Those teachers who receive gifts know they can be broken down into two specific groups. 

Group 1:  Things you put on your body. 

This would be your lotions, nail polish, perfume, scarves, t-shirts, jewelry, and the ever popular any clothing item with an apple on it.

Group 2:  Food or Drink.

This is your coffee mugs, candy, homemade cookies, fruit baskets, and gift certificates from the students favorite restaurant (you see, elementary kids love McDonald’s way more than teachers).

I know parents sometimes stress out over what gift to buy their child’s teacher at the end of the school year.

I have a suggestion.


Nothing says “Thanks for tolerating my kid for 7 hours a day so I don’t have to" like straight stone cold cash.

Of course, I’m kidding.

Most parents can’t afford to give teachers enough cash to cover an entire school year worth of suffering.

So what should they do?

I haven’t a clue.

But I do know the Evil Spawn just completed (barely) her 4th grade year in my wife’s class.

And I don’t have a gift.

I’m thinking maybe a mug.  Or a five-gallon bucket of lotion.

Or better yet, a mug that says “World’s Greatest Mom and Teacher” filled with lotion that smells like apples.

She’s going to love it.

Note from wife/teacher of the Evil Spawn:  I really scored this year with one of the best gifts ever…iTunes gift card…cha-ching!

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16 Responses to “Are Teachers So Dry They Need Buckets of Lotion?”

  1. Karyn (@2ndgradetchr)
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 10:04 am

    My first year I got a great purse from a mom whose son certainly pushed my patience level! That was a great gift!

    I think the best bet are gift cards… Starbucks, Target, etc. Those are put to much better use than the glass train votive set and the crystal-like cross I’ve received!

  2. Jay Childs
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 10:23 am

    Barnes & Noble…always. Feed the addiction.

  3. Olwyn Hughes
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 11:21 am

    At my school, each class has a class parent who organizes all sorts of things from fieldtrips to class parties to teacher gifts. Our parents do two teacher appreciation luncheons for the entire staff each year and the class gives gifts. It is most often gift cards to our local mall or to a spa – either are wonderful IMHO!!!! And most often they come with some wonderful handmade cards or a book by the kids letting me know that they appreciate my efforts. I am always amazed at the creativity and generosity of the parents and children at my school. I feel very lucky to work there!

  4. Jeff Johnson
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 11:38 am

    This was really funny and I laughed out loud while reading it! (notice I didn’t use LOL)

  5. Diane
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 11:46 am

    I always tell my friends and family when they are looking for a teacher gift: gift cards are the best. A teacher would prefer a $10 gift card over a trinket or lotion….or a mug!

    Having said that, I also always add that even better than the gift would be a card, note or letter stating positive attirbutes of the teacher and school year. CCing that letter to the principal, school committee and/or superintendent is also a nice touch as well.

    I will say that the BEST gift that I ever received as a teacher was when a family sponsored a family to purchase 10 chicken through Oxfam America in my name. So great!

  6. Karen
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 11:51 am

    My best gift as a principal along with the two office associates was a naugahide (sp?) purse that had been separated from the matching wallet and credit card holder. Each of the secretaries got those as gifts. Mine came in the torn open plastic bag that contained the three items originally. But it was the thought that counted!

  7. Allanah King
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 5:08 pm

    Our school is in a wine growing district and it is acceptable for kids to give their teacher a bottle of wine at the end of the year. You should encourage that!

  8. Al Eanne
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 7:29 pm

    My gifts….usually I get glass roses, fresh cut flowers, or strange crystal vases. However my favorite gift, that I happen to get all of time , is sweet tamales! I love the families I work with. They are simply amazing. They work tremenously hard to live in this community, work thankless jobs, but have worked with us to create an amazing community. It’s too bad the powers that be decided to close our school….especially when many have never even visted the campus.

  9. Tammy
    on May 28th, 2011
    @ 11:17 pm

    Don’t forget us Middle School Teachers….we’re not the elementary teachers (though we are lumped w/them) and not quite cool enough to be high school teachers…we’re the weird middle children…sigh. :)

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Tammy, Perfectly described.

  10. Jennifer
    on May 29th, 2011
    @ 11:38 am

    You left out “things that smell”–candles, potporri, scented oil… The best gift I ever received was a whole case of printer paper. I used it in my classroom for the next three years.

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Jennifer, Printer paper… I like it.

    Maybe the best gift I’ve heard.

  11. Terry
    on May 29th, 2011
    @ 11:50 am

    Now, Mr. Principal’s page, I know your wife LOVED all 1,412 cups because she is an amazing woman. I would suggest that, since you have an inside track on what your child’s teacher would appreciate as a gift, perhaps a trip somewhere warm and tropical. Probably should take your mother-in-law along as well as your lovely daughter. It’s a rare family that would put up with, well, you know. There should be MUCH appreciation and love!

  12. Melanie
    on May 29th, 2011
    @ 4:18 pm

    I would LOVE printer paper! Most recent gift (I teach high school) was a perfume set of Sex in the City “Lust”…lol. I’m not sure I”m the Lust kind of woman, but it was much appreciated.

  13. Keshyra
    on Jun 3rd, 2011
    @ 11:13 am

    Super funny post, and you’ve reminded me that I have to get gifts for my kids’ teachers. I am guessing that high school teachers don’t get gifts, not because the parents just give up after a certain point, but because parents can’t afford to buy that many gifts. How many teachers does a high school student have in one year? Ten? Fifteen? I don’t know, my kids aren’t that old yet. But you can bet I won’t be buying gifts for my son’s and daughter’s Math, and English and Science and PE (etc, etc) teachers when they are in high school, it would bankrupt me.

  14. Andrew Sailer
    on Jun 18th, 2011
    @ 7:26 pm

    Funny. I needed this. Thanks.

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