The definition of self-confidence:  riding your bike to school… with an air freshener… as a Senior.

We should all care a little less what other people think.

Comments: 4
Tags: air freshner, bike, seniors

Evil Spawn.  4th grade.  Yard.  iPad.  WiFi.

What’s this?

A little thing I like to call the future.

Don’t wait, it may pass you by.

Comments: 4
Tags: 4th Grade, Evil Spawn/Daughter, iPad, WiFi

I wish a good attitude could be bottled.

Just think how much money you could make.

Just think how many people you would personally like to drown in a five gallon bucket of this goopy liquid.

As school is about to begin, there’s one question being asked all over the country.

“Are you ready for school to start?’

Answers may vary, but they generally go like this.

Adults are 50/50.  Some want school to start.  Some not so much.

When I say adults, I’m talking about people who work in schools, not parents.  Every parent in America is ready for school to begin (and they have been since June 1st… my theory is people like their kids, they just don’t want to be in the same house as them).

High school students.  117% answer no (if they answer at all… they may be busy ignoring you). 

No discussion.  No exceptions.

No.  No.  No.

They hate school.  They hate everything.

Except sleeping until noon and texting.

Junior High students are confused about this question and every other aspect of their lives (puberty does strange things to an 11 year old brain).

Some like school.  Some hate school.  Some think Justin Bieber is cool (I told you they are a mess).

Grade school students are the special ones.

Most can’t wait for school to start.

By most, I mean 99%.

They like everything.  School.  Teachers.  Art.  Music.  Recess.  Open House.  Their superintendent.  Homework.

Alright, I went a little far with homework (and maybe the superintendent thing).

As a group, they can’t wait for school to start.

Especially, 4th graders.

That’s when the good attitude about school peaks.

They are wonderful.

They have the attitude we all should have.

Positive.  Upbeat.  Hopeful for a brighter future.

If only we could bottle it.

If only I could sell it.

Yesterday the Evil Spawn was in diapers.  Tomorrow I register her for 4th grade.  I’m dreading what comes next.

Comments: 5
Tags: 4th graders, good attitude

Buddy the Dog has done it again.

Another endorsement.

I’ve warned him about letting this go to his head (it’s important he keeps all 4 paws grounded).

He needs to understand that fame and fortune can be flitting.

Just ask Tiger (alright, bad example… he still has plenty of both).

Buddy’s Orange Soda is made by the New Ulm Brewing & Beverage Company in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota… and it wouldn’t kill them to send me a case (or 2). 

I’m just saying.

Comments: None
Tags: Buddy the Dog, Buddy's Orange Soda, New Ulm Brewing & Beverage Company, Sleepy Eye Minnesota, Tiger Woods

Summer Vacation 2010 is winding down so it’s time to review (before I begin my 87 hour drive back to dreaded civilization).

As noted in a previous blog, I stink at vacation.  That’s the bad news.

The good news is I’m not the only one (actually that’s more bad news… evidently there’s a lot of Type A weirdo’s running amok at resorts near you).

Even though I’m coming to grips with the idea I might have a problem with too much free time, it doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of good things about vacations.

So here they are:

10.  I’m not at work.  This one’s pretty self explanatory.

9.  Living in a strangers house is both cool and creepy (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ve never stayed in someone else’s house).

8.  No early bedtime.  It’s vacation.  I can stay up as late as I want (which sadly turns out to be right around 10 p.m).

7.  No alarm clocks.  Well, until that last two days… I had to get up early… got things to do (vacations only last so long people… and note to self:  change alarm sound to something besides Jamaican music).

6.  DVD’s to watch.  What else am I going to do at 2:30 in the afternoon when there aren’t meetings to attend?

5.  Unscheduled exercise.  It’s nice when I don’t have to worry about finding 45 minutes before or after work.  Plus, for some odd reason it’s more fun to exercise in a different state (you know I’m right about this one).

4.  Books to read.  Or more truthfully,  1/2 book.  I’m still working on Linchpin (a chapter at a time… it’s good, I just get so sleepy).

3.  Junk food (see #5… if I want more Howie’s Tacos, I just take another walk… it’s not like I don’t have the time).

2.  Golf.  I’ve played more golf in the last 6 days then I have all summer.  Now that I think about it, I’m getting a little sick of golf.

1.  With a doubt, the best thing about vacation is I don’t have to shave! 

The happiness I get from not shaving is indescribable.

This is truly as happy as one man can get. 

Since I will never get to experience the joy of childbirth, I will have to remain content with the grand experience I like to call Vacation Face.

Comments: 3
Tags: Howie's Tacos, Linchpin, Type A Personality, vacation, vacation face

This picture comes from Gunflint Hills Golf Course in Grand Marias, Minnesota.

The cooler is located on hole #5.

You buy a drink and leave $1.00 in the coffee can (sorry kids… no one to help you make change).

In this day and age, you just don’t see the opportunity for people to be honest.

It’s simple.

And nice.

Comments: 6
Tags: Grand Marias, Gunflint Hills Golf Course, Minnesota

Softball season is over.

It’s another milestone in my daughter’s life.

Each sport she plays seems to come and go so quickly (except soccer… which drags on… and then drags on some more).

I’ve said it before, time (and her childhood) are moving by at a breakneck pace.

And yet, I don’t seem to age.

Maybe it’s good genes.  Maybe it’s dementia.

When her last game ended, she was presented with the traditional Medal of Participation.

If you play… good or bad… you get a generic softball necklace (see picture).

This keepsake will undoubtedly get shoved into her bedroom drawer of abyss.  This means it will never be seen again (until we kick her out of the house and reclaim her room as our new office).

The medals are nice, but they seem so temporary (it’s possible many were lost on the trip home).

This isn’t how my generation was raised.

When I was a kid (the 80’s… or the golden years as I like to call them), winners were given trophies and everyone else got nothing (and they liked it).

Now we have to make sure everyone feels good about themselves.

Wins and losses take a backseat to feelings and self-esteem.

This has always seemed odd to me.  Life used to be simpler.  Twenty years ago you could easily identify who won the game.

Now everyone is treated the same.

Call me crazy, but there was something to be said for one team parading a gigantic trophy (usually plastic) around the field while the 2nd place team stood off to the side and cried their eyes out.

It was simple and straightforward.

If you wanted a trophy, you had to practice.  And work.

Then practice some more.

It was what made America great.

The people who worked the hardest got the biggest rewards.

But things are different now.

I’ve always felt it was wrong to reward kids simply for participating.

I don’t do this often, so pay attention.

I may be changing my mind.

Maybe.

Yesterday, I saw one of my daughter’s teammates at the grocery store (a full 48 hours after their last game and the awarding of the Medals of Participation).

Much to my surprise she was wearing her medal.

And she was very proud of herself.

Really proud.

Not because she was the best player or the team who won the championship (sadly, she wasn’t and they didn’t), but because she played.

She participated.

And she has the medal to prove it.

So maybe… just maybe… I’ve been wrong.  Maybe participating is more important than winning.

Maybe.

Comments: 11
Tags: lottery, Medal of Participatin, softball, the 80's

The Evil Spawn is 9 years old (at least today she is 9… when I wake up tomorrow she will be 27).

During this stage of her life, I am required to be somewhere watching her do something at least 3 nights a week.

Different seasons bring different sports.

Every season brings on a case of bleacher butt, but that’s an entirely different blog.

Soccer (ugh), basketball, golf, and softball all have a place on the family calendar.

Sometimes I coach.

Sometimes I get lucky and don’t have to coach.

Summer means softball.

It also means I’m not that lucky.

I’m coaching.

Every practice presents a new challenge.

One night it’s parents.  Another night it might be me spending 30 minutes trying to figure out why half the girls didn’t bring gloves (yet they NEVER forget their pink helmets, pink batting gloves, and pink shoes).

On a bad night I might stand in the outfield and wonder how mosquitoes get as big as cats.

Normally, I just wonder why I agreed to coach.

Coaching little girls must be similar to childbirth.

A few months after the painful parts, your mind goes blank and you forget what a horrific experience it was.

But it’s not all bad.

Once in a while something happens and I’m thankful I was there to see it.

Or hear it.

Like tonight.

I told a young lady to go play first base.

She was so excited.

She pointed and said, “Last year they (coaches) never let me play here!”

I said, “First base?”

“No”, she said, “On the dust.”

“On the dust?”, I responded.

“Yes, here on the dust” as she pointed to the ground.

Then I got it.

She never got to play in the infield.

Or now as it’s known.

The dust.

Coaching is fun.

At least until the next labor pain.

Comments: 4
Tags: coaching, pink batting helmets, pregnancy, softball

Each August since 1998, Beloit College has released the Beloit College Mindset List.  It’s a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college.

It’s a reminder of how quickly the frame of reference changes for the next generation.

I love the list because it brings together two big concepts from this blog:  change and the fact I’m getting older (and older… and older).

You can see all 12 lists HERE.

My favorites from The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2013 (just so you feel worse about yourself… most students entering college for the first time in the fall of 2009 were born in 1991).

1.  For these students, Martha Graham, Pan American Airways, Michael Landon, Dr. Seuss, Miles Davis, The Dallas Times Herald, Gene Roddenberry, and Freddie Mercury have always been dead.

2.  Dan Rostenkowski, Jack Kevorkian, and Mike Tyson have always been felons.

3.  The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables.

4.  They have never used a card catalog to find a book.

5.  Margaret Thatcher has always been a former prime minister.

6.  Salsa has always outsold ketchup.

7.  Tattoos have always been very chic and highly visible.

8.  They have been preparing for the arrival of HDTV all their lives.

9.  Rap music has always been main stream.

10.  The KGB has never officially existed.

11.  Text has always been hyper.

12.  Babies have always had a Social Security Number.

13.  They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer.

14.  American students have always lived anxiously with high-stakes educational testing.

15.  State abbreviations in addresses have never had periods.

16.  McDonald’s has always been serving Happy Meals in China.

17.  Cable television systems have always offered telephone service and vice versa.

18.  The American health care system has always been in critical condition.

19.  There has always been a Cartoon Network.

20.  They have always been able to read books on an electronic screen.

21.  Women have always outnumbered men in college.

22.  We have always watched wars, coups, and police arrests unfold on television in real time.

23.  Belarus, Moldova, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Armenia, Latvia, Georgia, Lithuania, and Estonia have always been independent nations.

24.  It’s always been official: President Zachary Taylor did not die of arsenic poisoning.

25.  Ozzy Osbourne has always been coming back.

26.  Kevin Costner has always been Dancing with Wolves, especially on cable.

27.  There have always been flat screen televisions.

28.  Everyone has always known what the evening news was before the Evening News came on.

29.  Someone has always been asking: “Was Iraq worth a war?”

30.  Most communities have always had a mega-church.

31.  The status of gays in the military has always been a topic of political debate.

32.  There has always been a Planet Hollywood.

33.  For one reason or another, California’s future has always been in doubt.

34.  There has always been a computer in the Oval Office.

35.  Two Koreas have always been members of the UN.

36.  Official racial classifications in South Africa have always been outlawed.

37.  The NBC Today Show has always been seen on weekends.

38.  Vice presidents of the United States have always had real power.

39.  Conflict in Northern Ireland has always been slowly winding down.

40.   There has always been blue Jell-O.

My frame of reference (1985):

1.  Stamps cost 22 cents.

2.  A gallon of gas was $1.09.

3.  The first mobile phone call was made in the United Kingdom.

4.  President Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev meet for the first time in Switzerland.

5.  Live Aid Concerts in Philadelphia and London raise over 50 million for famine relief in Ethiopia.

6.  Compact Discs were first sold (Night Ranger and Dokken never sounded better).

7.  New Coke was introduced (in retrospect, not the best idea).

8.  Dire Straits… Money for Nothing (and Chicks for Free…).

9.  President Reagan was in charge.  America was cool.

10.  I started college with a plan.  And 25 years later, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

Comments: 11
Tags: Beloit College, Mindset

A poem by a 3rd grader I like to call the Evil Spawn. 

If I were in charge of the world

I’d cancel unkindness,

violence, Reading, and also

English homework.

If I were in charge of the world

there’d be happiness,

Math, and

My Weird School books.

If I were in charge of the world

you wouldn’t have bad books,

You wouldn’t have 1-4 point A.R. books.

You wouldn’t have empty lots.

Or “talking in line.”

You wouldn’t even have broken buildings.

If I were in charge of the world.

A chocolate covered donut

would be a vegetable.

All dogs would be Beagles.

And a person who forgot to brush her hair,

and sometimes forgot to put on her flip flops,

would still be allowed to be

in charge of the world.

Hopefully, she gets a good grade since she is now a published author on a moderately read blog.

Comments: 12
Tags: A.R., beagles, Buddy the Dog, Evil Spawn/Daughter, My Weird School Books