I am unable to confirm that any of the following involved me, friends of mine, people I know, or in some cases my sworn enemies (pending litigation and all).
Stupid comes in various forms.
The form it most often takes with me is called “Happens Way too Often”.
I’m not saying I’m stupid, I’m simply saying I’m a magnet for stupid (Yes! 4 I’ms in one… no that’s 5 in one sentence. And my English teachers said I wouldn’t amount to anything.).
Since I have a certain expertise in stupid, I thought it might be wise to rank the various types of stupidity.
Here are The 6 Levels of Stupid:
Level 6 – Tech Stupid.
Hating your technology person (I don’t… why did I feel the need to mention this? Because I want my computer to work tomorrow.) isn’t a good thing.
Blaming them when your computer/printer/email/SMARTBoard doesn’t work is not always correct.
Sending them a “Trouble Ticket” that contains a request, some anger, and an underlying threat to their well-being is a bad thing.
Especially when you’ve indicated they are the worst person in the world and deserve to die a painful and slow death just because your computer doesn’t work.
Only to find out when they show up to fix the computer… it is unplugged.
And you unplugged it the day before. And forgot.
Level 5 – Pop Tart Stupid.
Getting up early to make both a tasty and healthy breakfast.
Two Pop-Tarts = Breakfast of Champions.
Plus, this allows your new bride to sleep in as you are being a big boy and making your own breakfast.
Toss the tarts into the toaster and head off.
Head off where?
The gas station to buy a newspaper of course.
This was the perfect plan.
Until the toaster jammed.
And started a fire.
But don’t be alarmed. The entire apartment didn’t burn down.
Just the kitchen (can you say kiss the deposit goodbye).
Level 4 – Excuses Stupid.
This level is for those special people who continue to confuse an excuse with a reason.
I don’t have my homework because the dog ate it is an excuse (not Buddy… he only eats shoes).
I don’t have my homework because my mom and dad were taken to the hospital last night after they were involved in an accident is a reason.
While subtle, there is a difference.
Level 3 – I’m in a Meeting Stupid.
Conducting a School Board Meeting using your laptop as a communication device is a good thing. Leaving Yahoo Instant Messenger on so your evil spawn daughter can share her thoughts on what happened that day in 3rd grade is a bad thing.
I’m thankful her language was appropriate that particular night (because trust me… it can get pretty salty).
Level 2 – Email Etiquette Stupid.
They are a great way to ask a question.
Sometimes you forward an email that you received from another person.
You should read these first.
If you had read it (and you have no idea who you are… because you are stupid), you would have noticed it said some not so nice things about me… 3 forwards ago.
If I had feelings this would have hurt them.
Level 1 – I Didn’t Know As Much As I Thought I Did Stupid.
I have written close to 300 blogs. Yes, that’s right, I’ve wasted more time on moronic blog writing than just about any other school administrator in the world (feel free to call “my people” Guinness Book of World Records).
I’m very proud.
And embarrassed I haven’t spent this time making the world a better place.
During the course of working on these blogs it has occurred to me that writing them is easy (lack of quality isn’t terribly hard), but posting them can be difficult.
I write them in Microsoft Word and then copy and paste them into my WordPress blog.
Then I had to add pictures and hyperlink old blogs into the new one.
This takes a great deal of time.
I’ve often thought someone should invent a program to make this process easier.
I literally scheduled hours just to curse at my computer when things didn’t go smoothly (evidently my daughter gets her language issues honestly).
Then it happened (no, not more cursing… that’s impossible).
Someone Twittered I should be using Microsoft Live Writer. Evidently, it is a tool to help post your blogs.
This has been available since… well, since 300 blogs ago!!!!
Is there a reason people have been keeping this secret from me?
Or am I just stupid?
Note from bride, however, no longer new. Luckily we owned 1 kitchen pot. And I mean only 1. It was filled with water in the kitchen sink from the previous night’s meal. I was able to use that pot to extinguish the burning cabinet quickly enough to prevent “much” damage. Therefore, we did receive our deposit back and believe me, we needed it. Do you know how much a first year teacher made in 1995?