It’s time, once again to feel badly about yourself.

The year is 2010.  You are at least a year older.  Kids are way younger.

The gap between old and cool gets larger by the day (just ask my daughter).

I’m always fascinated by the list of cultural touchstones that Beloit College compiles each year (making us feel old since 1998… thanks Beloit).

It gives a real picture of the events that have shaped the lives of this year’s freshman class.

The list makes one thing perfectly clear… time really does fly and the only constant is change.

My favorites from The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014 (you can visit all 13 lists HERE).

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992 (as if you didn’t feel old enough already).

1. For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

2. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

3. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

4. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along.

5. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

6. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

7. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.

8. Entering college this fall in a country where a quarter of young people under 18 have at least one immigrant parent, they aren’t afraid of immigration…unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet.

9. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

10. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

11.Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

12. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

13. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

14. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

15. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

16. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

17. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

18. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

19. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

20. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

21. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

22. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.

23. The first home computer they probably touched was an Apple II or Mac II; they are now in a museum.

24. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

25. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

26. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

27. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

28. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.

29. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

30. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

31. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

32. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

33. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. 

34. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife. 

35. Beethoven has always been a good name for a dog.

36. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine. 

37. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

38. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

39. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.

40. It seems the Post Office has always been going broke.

Bonus… the nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing (and my guess is they never will).

I can’t imagine what The Evil Spawn will see and experience before she graduates from college in 2023 (or truck driving school… I’m not going to lie, I would be thrilled with either).

Comments: 4
Tags: Beloit College, Class of 2014, Evil Spawn/Daughter

The kids today have it way too easy.

They’re spoiled, lazy, and soft.

And I’m officially old when I write(?) how kids these days are spoiled, lazy, and soft.

As I watch students walk (or run) down the hallway, I’ve noticed their school supplies are much nicer than what I had in the early 80’s.

They are also more expensive.

Fancy binders.

Mechanical pencils.

Glue sticks.

Highlighters.

Book bags with wheels.

State of the art lunchboxes.

I can live with the binders, pencils, etc., but I have to draw the line when it comes to the new–fangled book bags/luggage and lunchboxes/coolers.

When I was a kid (I’m actually becoming older and older as I type this…), we didn’t have $60 book bags.

With or without wheels.

Kids driving their books down the hallway drives me crazy.  My luggage should be as nice as their book bags.

We carried our books underneath our arms like God intended (that’s if we took books home… and we didn’t). 

How are today’s kids ever going to feel the embarrassment of dropping 7 textbooks, 4 folders, and 114 papers in the middle of a busy street if they have a book bag?

This is a rite of passage that all children should be forced to enjoy.

We are cheating our kids out of one of life’s most precious moments.

You haven’t lived until the wind is howling at 40 miles an hour and you’re chasing your math homework across a busy intersection (and all the other kids are looking and pointing at you… not that this ever happened to me…).

If that wasn’t bad enough, we are also creating a generation of children who don’t understand how to keep their lunches cold.

It’s not that complicated.

You freeze a can of soda.

We did this.

We did this because we had to.

And we liked it.

Put the can in the freezer the night before, wrap it in tinfoil, and bingo… instantly cold lunch (and sadly, sometimes soggy).

There weren’t any lined lunch containers when we were kids.

We didn’t need them (actually we might have needed them, but we couldn’t afford them).

We had two choices.  A brown paper sack or metal box covered with pop-culture (and rust).

Poor kids used a brown sack (me).  Even poorer kids were forced to recycle the brown sack each day to be used for an entire week (my wife… who is still working through this issue).

The rich kids had a Scooby-Doo, Evil Kneivel, or Happy Days lunch box.

The really rich kids had a KISS or Star Wars lunch box (with matching Thermos I might add… ).

Today’s kids have lunchboxes with zippers, levels, containers, and water bottles that look like works of art (Exhibit A:  The Evil Spawn’s lunchbox in the picture).

I still have a brown paper sack (and the sad part is I have a job).

I think today’s kids are soft.

Kids think I’m old.

We are probably both right.

One of the great mysteries of my life… How does a Thermos work?  Hot stuff hot.  Cold stuff cold.  It’s magic.

Comments: 6
Tags: book bags, Evil Kneivel, Happy Days, KISS, lunchbox, Scooby Doo, Star Wars, Thermos

Students need technology.

For them, it’s a need, not a want.

It’s the same reason I have sunglasses.

I didn’t wear sunglasses when I was younger because I didn’t need them.

I could see just fine, even when I looked directly into the sun.

Well, I could see until I passed out from all the little spots clouding my vision.

Then I got smart (not a lot, just a little).  I started wearing sunglasses and discovered how much I needed them.

It’s the same with kids and technology.

Maybe they didn’t “need” computers, video games, and smart phones when they were younger.

But that was then.

This is now.

And now they need it.

Their use of technology has created a hunger for more technology (and more… and more… and more).

Just like sunglasses.

The more you wear them, the more you need them.

It’s the same with technology.

When will schools figure this out?

Comments: 5
Tags: smart phones, sunglasses, Technology

My daughter is 9.

This means she thinks everything and everybody is weird (I don’t call her the Evil Spawn for nothing).

Her mom is weird (especially when she dances).

I’m weird (anytime I speak to her).

I get the feeling as parents we are in for a long decade.

She says “weird” so much, I’ve found myself doing it.

I don’t even remember what we were talking about , but I said something was weird.

She responded with “Weird like when you see your teacher at a grocery store weird?  Or like when someone you’ve know starts wearing a cowboy hat weird?”

I must admit I had to take a moment and think about this one.

Both of them are pretty weird.

When you’re a kid there is nothing weirder than seeing your teacher in public.

In a student’s mind, their teacher is always supposed to remain in their natural habitat.

The classroom.

Seeing them in any other type of situation just doesn’t seem right.

I get this same type of reaction as an administrator.

Students find it odd when they see me outside of school.

It’s even weirder for them if I’m wearing jeans.

Evidently, they think I should never leave the office and I should wear a tie 24 hours a day (if it makes them feel any better… I feel like I never leave the office and I wear a tie 24 hours a day).

So I guess weird is just anything out of the ordinary.

But to answer my daughter’s question, I’m going to have to go with weird like when someone starts wearing a cowboy hat.

I don’t care who you are, that’s weird.

You can only wear a cowboy hat if you’ve always worn a cowboy hat.

If you haven’t worn one by the age of 8, you can never wear one (it’s the law… Google it).

It’s not a fashion accessory you can just jump into mid-life.

It’s so weird, the next time my daughter has a friend over I may be wearing a cowboy hat.

If she thinks I’m weird now, she hasn’t seen anything yet (maybe it’s her that’s in for a long decade).

My daughter’s weird comparison comes from one of her favorite shows Phineas and Ferb.  I’ve watched it a couple of times.  It’s weird.

Comments: 13
Tags: cowboy hats, Evil Spawn/Daughter

I wish a good attitude could be bottled.

Just think how much money you could make.

Just think how many people you would personally like to drown in a five gallon bucket of this goopy liquid.

As school is about to begin, there’s one question being asked all over the country.

“Are you ready for school to start?’

Answers may vary, but they generally go like this.

Adults are 50/50.  Some want school to start.  Some not so much.

When I say adults, I’m talking about people who work in schools, not parents.  Every parent in America is ready for school to begin (and they have been since June 1st… my theory is people like their kids, they just don’t want to be in the same house as them).

High school students.  117% answer no (if they answer at all… they may be busy ignoring you). 

No discussion.  No exceptions.

No.  No.  No.

They hate school.  They hate everything.

Except sleeping until noon and texting.

Junior High students are confused about this question and every other aspect of their lives (puberty does strange things to an 11 year old brain).

Some like school.  Some hate school.  Some think Justin Bieber is cool (I told you they are a mess).

Grade school students are the special ones.

Most can’t wait for school to start.

By most, I mean 99%.

They like everything.  School.  Teachers.  Art.  Music.  Recess.  Open House.  Their superintendent.  Homework.

Alright, I went a little far with homework (and maybe the superintendent thing).

As a group, they can’t wait for school to start.

Especially, 4th graders.

That’s when the good attitude about school peaks.

They are wonderful.

They have the attitude we all should have.

Positive.  Upbeat.  Hopeful for a brighter future.

If only we could bottle it.

If only I could sell it.

Yesterday the Evil Spawn was in diapers.  Tomorrow I register her for 4th grade.  I’m dreading what comes next.

Comments: 5
Tags: 4th graders, good attitude

Competition benefits consumers.

If you don’t believe me think about the most annoying monopoly in America.

Cable companies.

Every town has one.

And that’s the problem.  Most towns only have one.

They don’t have any direct competition.

So, if you need their help… good luck (I speak the truth because I speak from experience… and it wasn’t good).

You won’t get an appointment, you’ll get a window.

As in “We will have someone at your house between 1:00 and 4:00 pm.”

What other business does that?

Who makes you miss work so they can show up when it’s convenient to them?  Worse yet, who makes us miss work and then doesn’t show up during the agreed upon time frame?

Only cable companies.

It’s a very “Take it or leave it” attitude (and if you like TV… you take it).

Businesses with competition can’t do this.

If you look in the phone book (yes, I’m dating myself) and there’s more than one business listed in a section, that’s competition.

Dentists.  Plumbers.  Contractors.  Beauticians.  Chiropractors.  Restaurants.  Gas stations.

They all have competition, so they work for you.

To be successful they have to keep prices down and provide quality service.

If they don’t, their customers will go elsewhere.

You know a business has competition when they advertise.

In phone books (or since it’s 2010… online).  On billboards.  In newspapers (or since it’s 2010… maybe not).  Even on radio and TV (but hopefully, not cable).

But you know who doesn’t advertise.

Public K-12 schools.

Why?

Pre-schools advertise.  Colleges advertise.  Graduate schools advertise.

But public schools don’t.

Is it because there’s no competition?  We’ve never been asked to compete for customers (students)?

Just like cable companies, we are often the only option in town.

Maybe we shouldn’t take this for granted.

Maybe we should be trying to entice families into our school districts.

Maybe we should be advertising our test scores, quality staffs, and educational opportunities.

Maybe students should be allowed to shop for schools regardless of where they reside.

Maybe monopolies aren’t good for anybody.  Even schools.

Comments: 9
Tags: advertising, cable companies, Eduvertisment, monopolies

Graduation brings many gifts (the end of school, luggage, and cash to name a few).

The grandest of them all is the fact that I can blog about my experiences with the graduating Senior Class.

As soon as they received their diploma, I’m free (as are they).

I’m no longer under any sort of moral contractual agreement not to embarrass them on the world wide web.

Not that they would ever read this drivel, but you never know.

From each class, I learn many lessons.

As I see them grow from snot-nosed kindergarteners to snot-nosed teenagers it is hard not to take something away from our time together.

A recent class (I don’t want to be too specific on the year just in case one of them gets a law degree… or owns a gun) taught me an invaluable lesson during a teacher’s evaluation.

As I watched the teacher work her magic, I noticed one young man paying extra special attention.

His name is Don (not really… the PrincipalsPage Legal Department advised me to change his name… or maybe I’m using his real name just to confuse you…).

He was hanging on every word the teacher said.

Each time a question was asked, his hand quickly went up to answer.

Don(?) seemed disappointed when the teacher called on other students.

This happened about four times before he finally got a chance to participate.

He could hardly contain his excitement.

The answer almost flew right out of his mouth.

Then something odd happened.

He answered the question by going 3rd person.

He said “Don thinks the answer is an adverb.”

Weird.

The answer was correct, but who goes 3rd person right in the middle of class?

Even weirder it was like no one noticed but me.  The teacher and the students never cracked a smile.

No one even acknowledged it.

During the rest of the evaluation this was all I could think about.

High school boy goes 3rd person for no apparent reason in English.

A couple of days later I was walking by this class, so I decided to drop in and get to the bottom of what happened.

I asked the teacher if she had noticed Don going 3rd person during her evaluation.

She said she hadn’t, but by the rest of the class’s laughter I could tell they did (by the way, compliments to them for not making a big deal of it during the evaluation).

So I asked Don (if in fact this is his real name) why he answered the adverb question in 3rd person.

After a long thoughtful and completely respectful pause he said…

…“Don doesn’t know why Don answered in 3rd person".

Fair enough.

The lesson here is don’t go 3rd person.  Ever.

I’m not sure why, just don’t.

Comments: 4
Tags: 3rd person, PrincipalsPage, PrincipalsPage lawyers, Senior Class, teacher evaluations

The school year is officially over.

Graduation has come and gone.

Seniors have waited their whole lives for this moment.

After 13 long years (long for them, longer for me), they are free.

Free at last!

Thank God, they are free at last! (and thank you, Rev. Martin Luther King).

They are no longer required to attend school.

They are no longer required to roll out of bed 7 minutes before 1st hour begins.

They are no longer required to see their teachers and administrators.

And yet, just when they have their first taste of sweet sweet freedom they get confused.

They forget all of the bad experiences that plagued them during their school years.

The homework.

The discipline.

The rules.

PE.

Dissecting frogs.

The angry over-medicated administrators.

All of the things they hate are quickly forgotten.

Then they do something crazy.

Something unspeakable.

Something so disgusting, I can hardly type out the morbid details.

They do the one thing the swore they would never do.

They show up at school (often quite early).

Just when they think they’re out, they drag themselves back in.

It’s weird, but it happens every year.

Like clockwork.

Their Senior year is over.  They’ve graduated.  They are finished.

And then they return.

It’s odd.

Thank you Ferris Bueller.   Not only for supplying the title of yet another blog, but for one of the 5 greatest movies of all-time.

Comments: 4
Tags: Ferris Bueller, graduation, Rev. Martin Luther King, seniors

During our regular corporate meetings involving all things PrincipalsPage.com, the staff decided I should blog about That Kid and the Great Kid (meetings, staff, planning, and coherent thoughts don’t really exist).

I first blogged about That Kid.

That Kid is easy.

Everyone has a That Kid in class, their school, or as we are finding out… in their familes.

We’ve been notified That Kid turns out pretty well as he (yes, he) grows older and is given time to mature (remember… some take longer than others).

We’ve also been notified he can turn up in prison.

This reinforces my theory.  Everything, and I mean everything, is 50/50.

Examples are:  Will you wake up tomorrow morning.  50/50.

Will I win the lottery?  50/50.

Will more than ten people leave a comment on this particular entry?  50/50.

Will this blog make me rich.  Okay, bad example (there is exactly 0% chance of that happening).

Everything else in life is truly 50/50.  It either will happen or it won’t.

That Kid has the same chance of being successful (or not) as any other student.  It just takes time to find out.

There is an exemption to this rule.

Great Kids in 2nd grade have a better than 50% chance of still being great when they are adults (I have no proof of this, but my blog/my theory).

Every teacher has a That Kid.

They also have at least one Great Kid.  Most have more than one Great Kid.

If you think about it, there are probably at least 5 in each classroom (or with our soon to be the standard larger class sizes… 12 per room).

These are the students who are polite, hard-working, helpful, and happy.

They really are the majority of your students.

You know immediately when you meet them they will be successful in life (they have the parents that say it’s okay to beat them if they cough without raising their hand).

These students will grow up and be doctors, teachers, accountants, carpenters, or maybe engineers.

Actually, it doesn’t matter what they end up doing, it only matters that they will be good at it.

And they will be good.  Really good.

They will also pay their taxes and mow their lawns (very important to a stable society).

This doesn’t mean they’re perfect and won’t have bumps in the road, because they will.

They will just correct their mistakes and not make excuses.

That’s why you trust them to hand out papers, take notes to the office, and help the sub when you are gone.

They are the ones who will tell you what That Kid did when you weren’t watching.

This story often involves the random animal-like noises That Kid makes.

Or the throwing of some sort of object.  Oh, and don’t forget the always popular inappropriate gestures (usually during some sort of program where all the parents are in attendance).

As we head towards the end of the school year, as difficult as it is with our patience waning, we should all try to focus on the Great Kids.

Because there are far more Great Kids than there are That Kid.

Comments: 7
Tags: blogs, comments, great kids, lottery

Everyone knows That Kid.

The one who started causing havoc the minute he came into the world (odds are he slapped a nurse in the maternity ward).

His poor parents have convinced themselves there was some sort of mix up at the hospital, and they brought home the wrong child.

On several occasions they’ve even tried to give him away.

To no avail.

I shouldn’t say “him”, but let’s be honest.  99% of the time it’s a him. (could be a girl… actually, no it couldn’t)

If you don’t know the student I’m talking about, you aren’t in education.

Or you’re a liar.

Every school district in the world has That Kid.

His parents couldn’t leave him with a babysitter because he always attacked them.  Or ran away (I mean the babysitter, not the kid).

He got kicked out of preschool.

On the first day.

He’s the one who caused untold emotional damage when he first stepped foot on school grounds.

Sadly, registration will never be the same.

After meeting him, the secretaries immediately called the kindergarten teacher and said… “Retire.  Retire now.  Before it’s too late.”

That Kid is the one who does exactly the opposite of what his teacher tells him (which makes me think you should just tell him to do the opposite of what you want).

He doesn’t follow directions, he can’t stand still or be quiet, and he touches everyone and everything.

He also cuts in line, gets in trouble in the bathroom, cafeteria, and on the playground. 

And can’t find his pencil.

Or pen, papers, book bag, coat, locker, or classroom.

He always needs a Kleenex or wants to go to the bathroom.

He consistently asks you a question about the exact thing you just explained.

He makes indescribable animal-like noises at the most inappropriate times.

Teachers cringe at the mere mention of him.

The pray years in advance they don’t see his name on their class list.

They are willing to promise the principal, superintendent, secretary, the custodian, and God they will do anything… anything at all if That Kid isn’t in their class.

And guess what happens.

That kid is always in their class.

And when he is in your class, everything you’ve heard about him isn’t true.

He’s much, much worse.

Now you pray harder then ever.  You pray he will be gone on Mondays.

And Fridays.

And field trip days.

And when you have a sub.

And every other day.

But he never misses school.

Unprepared, but he’s always there.

It’s like you’re being punished.

But you aren’t.

You see… every class has That Kid.

Just like every class has a Tall Kid, Smart Enough to Be a Doctor Kid, Athletic Kid, Mortal Lock to Be Prom Queen Kid, Thinks They’re Always Sick But They’re Not Kid, Only Child Kid, Cool But Doesn’t Know It Kid, Shy Girl Kid, and Funny Enough to One Day Be on Saturday Night Live Kid.

Classes are always different, yet they are always the same.

If That Kid happens to move out of your school district (he won’t, I’m just using this as an example), there is another That Kid waiting.

Impatiently, but he’s waiting.

You see, there has to be a That Kid in every class.

It’s the law.

If you don’t believe, ask any teacher if they have a That Kid.

Because they will all say yes.  Right after they stop twitching.

Comments: 17
Tags: custodians, Dennis the Menace, Saturday Night Live, school principal, school secretaries, superintendent, Teachers