Cursing is Wrong? I Wish Someone Had Told Me.

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I knew when we bought the Evil Spawn there would be some new responsibilities as parents (I like to think of her as an investment in my future… which means free-housing when I’m old and senile… or older and more senile).

I anticipated doing things I wouldn’t necessarily love.

Like watching soccer games.

Keeping the Santa thing quiet.I Always Feel Better After Letting It Out.

Attending school open houses and feeling awkward (me, not her).

Arguments about not buying her a cell phone until she can vote.

Paying for college (college… from my mouth to God’s ears!!!).

Listening to her bedroom door slam for no apparent reason.

Listening to her and her loser friends sing every generic Top 40 song that comes on the car radio (how do they remember all the words???).

Wondering why she can’t tell the difference between a dresser drawer and the floor of her bedroom (one has handles and one is made of carpet… it’s not that hard).

The usual parent-kid stuff.

What I didn’t anticipate was the child to which I gave birth (yes, it wasn’t all her mother) would become the official Judge and Jury on my language.

This is an issue in which the Evil Spawn and I just don’t see eye to eye.

I’m pro-cursing.

She’s anti-cursing.

I blame her babysitter for steering her down the path of righteousness (when the spawn was 4 she was told stupid and crap were bad words… which I think is a bunch of Stupid Crap).

Don’t get me wrong, my language isn’t terrible.

It’s also not good.

Every once in awhile I need a word that is a bit stronger than my day-to-day selection (it’s a free country after all… except in the school hallway).

I really only curse at two things.  Myself and machines.

And in my defense, I usually do it under my breath (at least in my head it’s under my breath).

How am I supposed to go through life doing stupid stuff without cursing?

Occasionally a man stubs his toe, drops a plate, or misses a 2 foot putt to lose $20 dollars on the golf course (most if not all of these have happened in the last 48 hours… as far as you know).

I don’t think cursing at myself can be held against me.

The only other time I curse is when machines don’t work.  A mower, bicycle, laptop, iPad, toilet, and my car have all got a good tongue lashing in the last few weeks.

If I don’t put my machines in their places, how will they know I’m in charge?

There has to be a pecking order or else we are looking at mayhem.

But the Evil Spawn is having none of this.

She has a strict No Cursing Policy in what used to be my house (now it’s hers… and Buddy’s).

Every time I say something she considers inappropriate (see:  stupid, crap, butt, or anything that has a question mark or asterisk in it…), she stands in front of me with her mouth dropped to the floor (just like the clothes/towels in her room) and points at me like I just drop kicked a kitten.

I feel horrible.

Not because she’s disappointed in me.

Because I can’t enjoy a good curse word (or paragraph).

Before I reproduced, I wish someone would have told me about the “No Cursing Rule”.

Evidently, when you bring a child into your home, you have to abide by their rules.

The whole concept makes me so !@#$%* mad!

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15 Responses to “Cursing is Wrong? I Wish Someone Had Told Me.”

  1. Diane
    on Sep 18th, 2010
    @ 6:55 pm

    Wait ’til she starts cursing. Then the shoe will be on the other foot.

  2. Justin Tarte
    on Sep 18th, 2010
    @ 6:58 pm

    Mr. Principal – I am an aspiring administrator, and I have to say your blog is a breath of fresh air. I love your to the point, no nonsense, I don’t have time for games approach to life and education. Keep the posts coming! FYI – we have a yellow lab named Buddy!

  3. Cheesy
    on Sep 18th, 2010
    @ 11:20 pm

    utterly hilarious $%^$ post – about my very favourite subject too! Thankfully I can at home – without fear of recrimination. I suggest opening an irritation box for the Evil Spawn – when she stops irritating you with the singing, slamming doors and clothes throwing then she can lay an anti %&^$## cursing rule!
    love your posts – always gives me a giggle!

  4. Karen
    on Sep 19th, 2010
    @ 11:19 am

    SOOOO, I find there is not as much need to curse since I retired. :)

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Karen, Maybe I’m cursing you right now…

  5. Neil
    on Sep 19th, 2010
    @ 6:34 pm

    Not so much my cursing, but looking over my shoulder yesterday at a Youtube video I was watching, my 10 year old commented that I watch a lot of stuff with cursing in it. Ah, the innocence of youth.

  6. Tim
    on Sep 19th, 2010
    @ 9:41 pm


  7. Tim
    on Sep 19th, 2010
    @ 9:43 pm

    Laughing My Freckled Anchovies Off… That is…

  8. Alicia Kessler
    on Sep 22nd, 2010
    @ 9:03 am

    I was raised by sailors (literally -Mom and Dad). With the acceptance of the f-bomb, the creative cursing that I heard in my youth is a dying art form……hold onto it tightly Mister, we need you to!

  9. Joshua T.
    on Sep 22nd, 2010
    @ 9:31 pm

    Love your blog.

  10. Pam Franklin
    on Sep 23rd, 2010
    @ 4:16 pm

    Well, I love to use inappropriate language. And I didn’t stop when I had children. As a result, when my son was 3, he yelled the f-bomb in a grocery store when I dropped a jar.

    In response to the outraged looks of the 2 women standing near us (I suspect they were ex-nuns, by their faces), I said, “Oh, I wish his father wouldn’t use that kind of language in front of him!”

    (The son’s appropriate use of an interjection at such a young age was a hint of his intelligence. He ended up being a National Merit Finalist! :D )

  11. Warren Purdy
    on Sep 23rd, 2010
    @ 11:32 pm

    Hey – a tip from a pro (youngest daughter is 19 and is a close relative to the ES = curses cost me a dollar each time!) – sing songs with curse words in them. It’s a get out of jail free card.

  12. Daren
    on Sep 26th, 2010
    @ 1:56 am

    It’s wrong? I didn’t #$%&*! know that.

  13. Ms. Linda
    on Sep 26th, 2010
    @ 2:00 pm

    LM *&%!@#$ AO!

  14. Melisa
    on Sep 28th, 2010
    @ 1:05 am

    Great post as usual!

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