It’s Time for a Midlife Crisis. I Just Wish I Had Time.

Tags: , ,

Scissors.Life moves pretty fast (so says Ferris Bueller). If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

In my life this couldn’t be truer. My best estimates tell me, if all goes well, I am halfway through my lifetime.

That would make me 82 when it all comes crashing to a close.

This becomes more and more apparent as my evil spawn of a daughter continues to age at an alarmingly fast rate.

She is now 8 which is amazing considering we just brought her home from the hospital last week (at least it seems like last week).

I wouldn’t think about my age nearly as much if she didn’t point it out in a variety of ways.

She say things like “You’re old.” And “You”re really old.” And the ever popular “Don”t hurt yourself old man.”

She said the last one when I was doing the very strenuous task of picking a golf ball out of a puddle.

Does she think I am made of glass?

For her information, I having been hitting golf balls into the water for over 35 years with a spotless record of never injuring myself.

Sometimes her comments are more subtle.

Yesterday I got my driver’s license renewed. She pointed out that in 8 years she will be getting her license.

How is this possible?

How will she be old enough to drive? How will I be old enough to have an evil spawn that is old enough to drive?

One day I am a sophomore in high school with no clue, and the next I am 41 years old (still in school) with no clue.

It’s just not right that I will have a daughter who is old enough to drive (I am frightened for everyone who travels by car, truck, or walks on a sidewalk within 100 feet of a street).

Maybe she is right. Maybe I am old.

I have noticed that in the last 5 years, I attend far more funerals than I do weddings.

It is also apparent that my memory can at times be… what’s the word I am looking for… oh yeah… sketchy. My memory isn’t what I remember it being 10 years ago (I think, but who knows… because I can’t remember).

How many times do I have to go the store and stand in the middle of an aisle for 3 minutes because I can’t remember why I am there? When will I realize that I am incapable of leaving the house without a list?

This doesn’t bother me too much, because I realize a slight memory loss is the price of aging (and getting older sure beats the alternative).

What does worry me is what happened yesterday.

I was picking up the house so I could sit down and write a blog.

My last task was to clean off the kitchen counter.

No problem. Or so I thought.

Until a couple of hours later when I found the scissors I had put away… in the refrigerator.

The spawn may be smarter than I think. I am old. Maybe I will break a hip bending over to pick up a golf ball.

Which leads me to my newest problem.

I am the perfect age to have a midlife crisis. Except, I don’t have time because I am too busy.

I’m not exactly sure why. If I remember correctly (and since it’s not on a list, who knows), I used to have loads of free time.

Weekends were spent watching hours and hours of TV. I could complete all of my yard work in 2 hours. Now it takes 2 days and I’m still not finished.

Something has changed.

Where does my time go?

I spend a lot of time at work, but no more than normal. I also spend a lot of time playing with my evil spawn (even though one day she will no doubt put me in a nursing home), but not anymore than other parents.

And I spend time exercising.

That’s it.

That’s the one thing I do more of now, than I did 5 years ago. I exercise.

I exercise so I am healthy. Because if I am healthy, I can do more.

Except I am so tired from exercise that I actually do less.

Is this the official sign of being old?

Or is it when you put scissors in the wrong place? Or is it when you are a regular at funerals?

Who knows?

To tell you the truth, I don’t even have time to worry about getting old because I lost my wallet (with my brand new license).

There are good things about getting older. One, you get wiser.

That’s why the first place I am going to look for my wallet is the refrigerator.

And if I find it, I am going to the store because I need to get… something (it will come to me… sooner or later).

Tags: , ,

4 Responses to “It’s Time for a Midlife Crisis. I Just Wish I Had Time.”

  1. Diane
    on Jun 20th, 2009
    @ 8:23 pm

    They say a goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. It’s got me beat by two seconds.

    Scary stuff, getting old.

    I lost my wedding ring (band, not engagement ring) last weekend. I’m pretty sure I wore it grocery shopping on Sunday. I haven’t seen it since. Maybe I should check my fridge. Or yours.

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Diane, I haven’t seen your ring, but we do have an extra fridge in the garage I need to check.

  2. Tom Watson Didn’t Win the British Open. But He Did Teach the Rest of Us a Valuable Lesson. | PrincipalsPage The Blog
    on Jul 25th, 2009
    @ 8:16 am

    [...] This weekend Tom Watson just about won the British Open. At the age of 107. [...]

  3. Janet
    on May 1st, 2011
    @ 10:51 pm

    Exercise is key to getting through a mid-life crisis. It’s all about keeping your confidence.

Leave a Reply


While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.