It’s a Small World. With a Rather Long Line.

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It’s time.

Who am I kidding.  It’s past time.They Are Happy Because They Aren't Waiting in Line.

This has been weighing on me for nearly 3 weeks.

I need to get this off my chest.  I’m tired of feeling like Mark McGwire (no, not juiced up with the strength of 7 men… sick to my stomach from the constant avoidance of the subject).

It’s time to discuss our “vacation” to Disney World.

I put the word “vacation” in quotes because it was no vacation.   There was nothing “vacationey” about it.  It was work. 

Hard work.

With just a dash of stress and a pinch of exhaustion thrown in for good measure.

In this age of full-disclosure, I think it’s important to say that nobody does theme parks like Disney.  Nobody.

The food, cleanliness, employees, fireworks, parades, and did I mention the food… all were great.

It is a wonderful place to take your kids.

I have to say this because I don’t want the Mickey Mouse Mob after me.

These people are crazy.

They are the ones who return to the park year after year.  They never ever vacation anywhere else.

Disney is their shrine.

The whole situation is very cult-like.

You can always recognize them because they wear those goofy mouse ear hats (who pays good money for those things and do they wear them at home?).

Actually all of their clothes have Mickey Mouse on them.

T-shirts, jackets, sunglasses, panties… you name it (don’t ask how I know about the panties because I’m still working through those issues).

Some even have Mickey tattoos.  Disturbing, I know.

The Mickey Mob Members are constantly talking about how things have changed over the years at the “Happiest Place on Earth”.  As in “On our first trip to Disney back in 1979…”.

They are so misinformed.

The “Happiest Place on Earth” isn’t a theme park built around two mice living together in sin.  It’s the empty hallways of a school on a summer day.

Actually that’s not true.

It’s the empty hallway and an empty lounge.

Now that’s happy (at least for a school administrator in June).

Disney wasn’t the problem (again, I don’t want to anger the Mob).

But there were some other issues.  Mostly brought on by our poor planning or total lack of planning in general.


1.  We went to Disney the day after school got out.  Get home, pack, catch a plane.  Bad idea.  I had forgotten how tired one gets at the end of the first semester.

2.  We flew over the Christmas break.  Why didn’t someone tell us the airports were busy during this time of year.

3.  We flew during the time some genius tried to make a bomb in his underpants.  Bad idea for him.  Added stress to us (although sadly security was NO different).

4.  We went to Florida to enjoy the warm weather.  I spent most of the time in a heavy coat (but not heavy enough) and a stocking cap.

5.  We had tickets for 6 straight days of non-stop fun at the various Disney theme parks.  The fun stopped about day 3.5.


Now I know people from the Mickey Mob will email me and say I just don’t get it.  And they will be right.

I don’t get it.

I just don’t get why it’s so much fun to stand in line for 90 minutes to ride a ride for 90 seconds.

I don’t get why adults run across the park to get the autograph from a 20 year old intern dressed up as a mouse.

I don’t get why parents take their 8 month old to a theme park when all they want to do is cry and sleep.

I don’t get why a bottled water costs $48.

And I’m tired of arguing with the Evil Spawn about whether Goofy is a dog or not.

It’s all very confusing to me.

I need a vacation.

If you have kids (over the age of 5) you should go once.  ONCE.

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8 Responses to “It’s a Small World. With a Rather Long Line.”

  1. Aimee
    on Jan 16th, 2010
    @ 6:16 pm

    My kid is only two. I hope to go someday when she is older and after the Harry Potter theme park is finished. I think that’s Universal, though. Now THAT looks like fun!

  2. Jenny
    on Jan 16th, 2010
    @ 6:23 pm

    For me, I think that much of the allure of Disney World comes because of my visits there as a kid. We went every 3 years or so for a few days while we were visiting our grandma in Florida. I also got to go with my friends twice in high school (for a robotics competition and for our band to march in a parade). I love going back and riding the same rides and seeing my favorite things, and I want to go back mostly to show my fiance all of them.

    I have one friend who used to go every year because he loves it- but he and his girlfriend always took time off to go in October, when no kids are out of school to come. I’d love to try it, but I’m a teacher. *sigh*

    I love Disney World, but I know it’s exhausting too and I can’t blame you for not getting it. The Mickey Mob, as you refer to them- the obsessed Disney-every-year adults- freak me out too. Hopefully there were some parts you liked, though, and the “Spawn” had a good time!

  3. Pam Franklin
    on Jan 16th, 2010
    @ 6:30 pm

    You are the wisest man I know. Once is definitely enough!

  4. Charlie A. Roy
    on Jan 17th, 2010
    @ 9:43 am

    I’ve been to Disney once as a nine year old. I’ll tell you the event had a rough start. For years I wanted to see that castle. As a nine year old buy the allure of a real castle was strong. I’d always wanted to see a real castle. We went through the gates and to the castle and low and behold – nothing. All it was was a crummy gift shop. I went outside and sat on a bench crying for a good half hour.

    I got over it and really enjoyed the Epcot center. But I’ve always had a tinge of disappointment. Maybe they’ve done something different now but who knows.

  5. Shawn
    on Jan 17th, 2010
    @ 1:44 pm

    Great job. I’ll look forward to your next entry and my next trip to Disney.

  6. Diane
    on Jan 17th, 2010
    @ 7:45 pm

    We love Disney and always have a great time when we go. Keys to a good trip-relax, Fastpass, and relax. Take your time and go with the attitude that whatever you miss this trip, you’ll get on the next. Disney’s not going anywhere. Take it in small bites. Also-did you read any of the travel books about Disney? There are tons of them out there that are really helpful. And talk to everyone you can-nothing can match the voice of experience.

  7. Kristen
    on Jan 27th, 2010
    @ 2:37 pm

    I have recently stumbled onto your site, and I must tell you how ENJOYABLE you are to read! I love your writing voice, and humor. Just thought I’d share my two cents.
    —-RE: Disney—-How did the evil spawn enjoy the trip….you realize it wasn’t for you, right? :)

  8. Ashley
    on Jan 28th, 2010
    @ 6:05 pm

    Trips just aren’t the same when being bored to tears and ripping out hair is part of the schedule (the one you didn’t create). Hopefully you won’t need a vacation from your next “vacation.” As far as the “Mickey-Mob” goes, everyone knows at least one.

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