Oprah and Snow Shovels.

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I spent the last few days in Chicago at an education conference.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is as soon as I arrived (late by the way… thanks Amtrak), I turned on the TV just in time to hear that Oprah Winfrey is leaving town.I Could Also Use This Snow Shovel to Smack People.

Evidently, Chicago isn’t big enough for the both of us.

I know I shouldn’t take this personally, but this hurts.  I’ve always felt like Oprah and I got along fairly well.

Sure, we had our disagreements about Gayle (Oprah loves her… I find her annoying) but for the most part we saw eye to eye.

I should admit that Dr. Phil strikes me as a little odd, but who am I to judge.  Good enough for Oprah, good enough for me.  Even though he seems like the creepy uncle your parents told you to avoid at family reunions.

But now she is leaving the Windy City.

Off to make her fame and fortune in Los Angeles.

Wait a second.  Doesn’t she already have fame and a little bit of fortune (by a little… I mean she bleeds gold bullion).

Why does she need her own television network?

More importantly, why is she starting her own television network.

She is worth about 8,000 billion dollars (when the market is down), so why doesn’t she just buy one of the crappy 700 channels I get (and don’t watch).

Then all she would have to do is move it to Chicago and rename it Oprah Land, OTV, or Oprah Classic (I would be very nervous TV Land, HGTV, and ESPN Classic… very nervous indeed).

But no, she has to wait until I arrive in Chicago to announce she is getting out.

To the uninformed, it looks like I drove her out.

That hurts Oprah.  That really hurts.

I have to admit that while the conference was excellent, Oprah’s little announcement put a damper on the whole weekend.

I found myself getting angry as I walked the streets of Chicago.

Then I realized I wasn’t upset with Oprah.  She has her life.  I have mine.

Even though we don’t always agree, I think it’s important that we continue to support each other (after all… we both do it for the kids…).

Who am I to say that she shouldn’t move for a job.  Tough times mean tough decisions.  Like all of us, poor Oprah has bills to pay (by poor… I don’t mean poor).

My anger was actually coming from the fact that people don’t know how to walk down the street.

Where has common courtesy gone?

Large groups of idiots would stop directly in the middle of a sidewalk.  Right smack in the middle of a pedestrian walkway on Michigan Avenue.

Why did they stop?  Who knows.  I’m guessing inbreeding, but don’t quote me on that.

I’ve had it with people who seem oblivious to the rest of society and what is going on around them.

So I’m here to ask for your permission…the permission of well-educated, hard-working PrincipalsPage.com readers.

I need permission to carry a large snow shovel around  so I can smack people in the face when they become a bother to the rest of us (mostly when they bug me… if they bother you it doesn’t really effect me).

No questions asked.  No legal liability.  No second-guessing.

Just me, smacking people upside the head to make the world a better place (not my idea… I have to give credit to Mr. Tony on my favorite podcasted radio show).

I’m going to start with people who stop short on busy sidewalks.

In the future, the snow shovel may come into play with people who text while driving, anyone who honks .05 seconds after a stoplight turns green, smokers, loud talkers in movie theaters, people who burn leaves when their city prohibits it, and weathermen.

I’m also going to need permission to add to my list as I see fit.

Thank you for listening.

If you need me I will be in the garage looking for my snow shovel and wondering how my relationship went so wrong, so quickly with Oprah.

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7 Responses to “Oprah and Snow Shovels.”

  1. Tim
    on Nov 22nd, 2009
    @ 11:20 pm

    Smack away! I’ll be sure to look out for you when I’m in Illinois, wouldn’t want to be smacked for being a tourist and stopping on a sidewalk to try to figure out where I am….

    Note to self: Look out for angry bald guy wearing a suit and tie and carrying a snow shovel and muttering something about poor Oprah…

  2. Cheesy
    on Nov 23rd, 2009
    @ 2:26 am

    Now there is a smart idea – I allow you to smack about with your shovel, if i can too… lovin the Oprah tale – sorry you are so gutted, i am sure she had her reasons though and boy do I SO AGREE with your description of Dr Phil – more creepy than some of the folk he has on his show!
    As awlays – love the chuckle your blog gives me

  3. Michelle
    on Nov 23rd, 2009
    @ 3:06 am

    I give you permission to warm up in my (or your) local Walmart….

  4. Unklar
    on Nov 23rd, 2009
    @ 8:51 am

    My corollary to your snow shovel idea is my “Tasers for Teachers” movement. Of course, those heavy coats “up north” would require the barbs of the tasers to be several inches long . . .

    My guess for why folks just randomly stop in front of you is that they are probably texting. My favorite (least favorite) is when I’m at the grocery store and people are walking around with their bluetooth earpieces engaged in loud conversations. I often start talking back to them as if they were asking me a question or talking to me. Most of the time, they don’t even notice that I’m talking to them. I just hope it’s obvious to onlookers which one of us is the most insane.

  5. mcorbett76
    on Nov 29th, 2009
    @ 7:55 pm

    Please also smack the people in the movie theater who think that turning off their ringer and still texting people regularly throughout the movie is the same as turning your cell phone off. :)

  6. Carol
    on Dec 18th, 2009
    @ 9:03 am

    Great post. I am going to follow you on Twitter.

  7. Frank Capetillo
    on Feb 18th, 2010
    @ 7:56 pm

    Guess I wont be visiting Chicago, since I am a loud talking, leaf burning, smoking honker, who is a partime weatherman. I could never dodge a shovel fast enough, since I am also overweight.

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