It’s time once again to make unrealistic unreachable personal health goals.
My past list of New Year’s Resolutions can best be described as an Idiot’s Guide to Self-improvement.
One year it was to sleep more. That was easy enough.
One year it was to take up smoking. Although this one didn’t last long, I am willing to try it again.
Another year had me eating fewer vegetables. Like stealing candy from a baby.
Last year I set my goal at learning to swim. The jury is still out on this one.
I can sort of swim, but I also sort of sink to the bottom (if you don’t believe me… just ask me to save you).
People tell me I could swim if it was an emergency.
This doesn’t make me feel good.
First, like they know. There’s no way they can judge the sheer level of my fear and panic when thrown overboard off a cruise ship.
Secondly, this is a test I’m really hoping to never take.
But you have to give me credit, I at least attempted to complete this resolution.
I attended every swim lesson and completely creeped my instructor out (she was used to working with 3 year olds… not 43 year olds).
I even have a certificate (suitable for framing) that says I’m not the worst swimmer she ever saw (I think she was just being nice… and encouraging me to just go away).
I feel really good about this.
This brings me to 2011.
My resolution for the upcoming calendar year is… wait for it… wait… I’m going to attempt to drag my big fat behind through a half-marathon.
Yes, that’s right.
I’m going to “run” 13.1 miles for no apparent reason other than to receive a free t-shirt (I continue to be a sucker for the free stuff… and it’s only costing me $45).
Is this resolution/goal doable?
Will I actually complete the “running” of a half-marathon?
Can I run/walk it?
Maybe. If it’s not too hot.
Is it possible to finish by hitching a ride in some sort of medical transportation device (ambulance/golf cart/hearse)?
I don’t mean to brag, but this is very likely.
So there you have it. I’m officially on record as saying I’m going to do what only millions and millions of other people have already accomplished.
Complete a half-marathon.
Maybe even on foot.
The race is at the end of April so I still have plenty of time to weasel out.
And if I do, I have a back-up resolution.
Drink more water.
So if you need me, you will either find my hyperventilating in the gutter of a street near you (passed out from too much exercise).
Or in the school hallway holding a mega gigantic bucket of water.
Either way, I’ve got a resolution.
And isn’t that what it’s all about?