School Board Meeting Car Wreck.

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An unusual title for a blog.

School Administrators might be wondering why I didn’t name it “School Board Meeting Train Wreck”.

Fair question.

It’s because I like my job.

Don’t get me wrong, I prefer not to work, but I do enjoy being employed.

Something about having a constant stream of bills coming in the mail (or email… it is 2010 after all).

Plus, I’ve heard about challenging School Board Meetings but I’m not personally familiar with the concept (no charge for the sarcasm).

My latest meeting ended late (don’t they all).

Once it was over, I decided to drive home so I could go to bed and not sleep (it’s a tradition at this point).

As I was cruising down a two-lane highway listening to Lady GaGa on the radio (I don’t get her, but you have to admit her songs are catchy), I passed a car that appeared to be parked with the headlights on.

Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but this particular car was parked in a ditch.

Heading the wrong way.

I was a little taken aback as I drove another quarter mile down the highway.

It occurred to me that while I saw a car in a ditch, I hadn’t seen an actual driver.

I was now faced with a moral dilemma (like there aren’t enough of those at School Board Meetings).  Should I go back and check on the driverless car, or should I go home and not sleep?

Before you judge me, please realize that School Board Meetings can be tiring.

And I need my sleep (even when I can’t).

But you will be happy to know that I did the right thing.  I turned off Lady GaGa.

And I went back to see if I could help.

During the 30 seconds it took me to backtrack, I had a couple of thoughts.

One, I was hoping I didn’t find a mangled body in or around the car.  Two, I was desperately trying to remember how to do the Heimlich Maneuver.

I realize I should have been thinking about CPR, but it turns out that I used up all of my good brain cells during the School Board Meeting.

On a positive note, if I had returned to the scene of the accident and found someone choking… they would have been in excellent hands.

I pulled up beside the ditch and immediately recognized there was a problem.

The ditch was muddy.

This was a problem because I was wearing a white dress shirt and a lovely green tie (Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody!).

If that wasn’t enough, I didn’t have a coat (stars were out… not a cloud in the sky..  it was freezing).

At first glance, it was easy to confirm my theory.  There was definitely a car in the ditch.

But I didn’t see a driver.

That was bad.

Because now I had to go into the muddy ditch and look in the car.

Mangled body parts here I come.

But then I heard a strange sound.  It’s hard to describe, but it sounded a lot like “Duuuuuuuuuuuude”.

It was dark, so I couldn’t quite figure out where the sound was coming from.

Then I saw him.

The driver.My Friend, Mr. Jeff Spicoli.

He was behind the car.

The good news is he didn’t seem to be hurt.

The bad news is he wasn’t wearing pants.

Actually, that’s not true.  He had pants on.

They were just around his ankles (I didn’t ask).

As he struggled mightily to work his belt, I did ask him if he was okay (didn’t catch his name, so we will call him Mr. Jeff Spicoli).

He assured me he was.  Then he kept saying he didn’t know what happened.

One minute he was driving home and the next minute he woke up and his car was in a ditch.

Well, there you go.

I asked him how he got there and he said “By road”.

Fair enough.

I asked him if he had a phone.  He said “Did you say spoon?”

Alright then.

I told him I would call 911 for help.  He thought that was cool because he needed to get his car out of the ditch.

Plus, he was hungry.

Understandable.

Wrecking a car does produce an appetite.

I called 911 and then Spicoli and I waited for what seemed like hours.

During this time, he thanked me for calling a tow truck. 

Whoops.

It seemed like Spicoli and I were having what I like to call “A Failure to Communicate”. 

This could be bad.

Especially if he sobered up before the cops got there.

Plus, he was holding his car keys between his fingers in a way that made me think he could be considering stabbing me in the kidneys.

And I hate it when that happens.

It was close to midnight and I was standing on a deserted highway with Spicoli and he’s about to be arrested (and not by a tow truck driver).

On top of that, he’s got the munchies and probably nothing to lose by shanking me.

We waited.  And waited.

He asked it I should make another call.  I said “I’m not ordering pizza.”

Then after about 14 hours, the police showed up.

Spicoli said “Ah duuuuuuude”.

The policeman asked me if he was alright.  I said “Define alright?”

A few moments later, the officer sent me on my way.

I left as fast as I could knowing I had my latest blog.

I also had an understanding that I lived through another school board meeting.

And for once, that was the least dangerous and weird part of my night.

Now I just have to avoid bumping into my new friend on the streets for the next 50 years.  Just to be safe, I’m never going out to eat pizza.  Or surfing.

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9 Responses to “School Board Meeting Car Wreck.”


  1. Diane
    on Mar 19th, 2010
    @ 5:19 pm

    Too funny.

    I doubt your new friend would recognize you-especially if you weren’t wearing your green tie.

    You should consider not surfing for a more important reason-you can’t swim.

    Going to bed and not sleeping-I’ve made it an art.


  2. Interested local person
    on Mar 19th, 2010
    @ 5:20 pm

    Dude, that was soo gnarly! Mr. Principal’spage dude, do you think I will cruise this sobriety test?


  3. Thomas McMahon
    on Mar 19th, 2010
    @ 9:13 pm

    Classic!!!!!


  4. AR
    on Mar 20th, 2010
    @ 1:41 pm

    I love Lady GaGa.


  5. Keith Schoch
    on Mar 20th, 2010
    @ 7:30 pm

    For all the trouble you went through, that story was totally worth it! By the way, putting such a culturally iconic name and face to this “dude” made the story all the funnier!


  6. Ivonne H.
    on Mar 20th, 2010
    @ 10:49 pm

    What a fun read. Now I’m hungry for pizza.


  7. Melanie C.
    on Mar 21st, 2010
    @ 6:43 pm

    And here I thought we were the only ones with sometimes challenging school board meetings. :D


  8. Tim
    on Mar 21st, 2010
    @ 9:40 pm

    Dude!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyMSSe7cOvA


  9. mbt
    on Aug 14th, 2013
    @ 10:53 pm

    Endorphins make you happy.

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While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.