Why are the graves always shallow? Why don’t people put a little extra effort into the job and do it right the first time?
But, I digress and possibly frighten. I need to quickly change the subject before someone calls the authorities.
There is one thing that always strikes me as odd when people leave comments on the supposed humor in this blog. The fact of the matter is that I am probably the least funny person at my own dinner table.
My daughter has a very good sense of humor. In particular, the continued state of disaster of her room is a riot (if I don’t laugh, I would cry). We still can’t find her bed.
It was somewhere toward the middle of her room the last time we saw it.
We used to have a dog. I think he is somewhere near her bed, but I am not sure. I assume he will come out when he gets hungry (he might be better off crawling out the window and coming in through the front door- I don’t think he has the strength to climb over all the clothes and stuffed animals). At this point, he may have simply given up.
The funniest person in the family is my wife. I am hesitant to admit this because I have spent 14 years trying not to acknowledge this fact. I don’t want her head to swell.
I have done this because when she tells a funny story, she cracks herself up. I mean she really cracks herself up. Before she can even get to the punch line, she is rolling on the floor. It is funny and a little tragic. Mostly funny. Sometimes I fear she may have an accident (if you have been pregnant you probably know where I am going with this).
She is presently a 4th grade teacher and that can be a big job. And sometimes a funny one.
Last week she came home and said there was a new student in her class. His name is Jesus (hey’zues).
He was getting along just fine with his new classmates and studies, but he had forgotten to write on the SmartBoard if he was eating school lunch or not.
That was quickly rectified when another student announced in their loudest voice that Jesus (gee’sus) was not eating today.
I wish Gee’Sus went to my school. That would look very impressive on the school website.
One of her funniest stories about school involves her sexuality.
She came home after school one day and stated that there was a possibility that her students now knew our marriage was a shame.
I mentioned that I thought we had agreed to keep this a secret.
She stated that I was an idiot. But back to the story.
At the time she was teaching 6th grade in a much larger school district.
On that day she was having some difficulty with a young man. She had to get on him several times during the morning and she could tell that he wasn’t happy with the situation.
She thought that he would get over it in short order, especially since they were about to take a break and head to PE class. Sometimes young men just need a break from the women in their life (for the record, marriage is nothing like that).
When it was time to dismiss the kids so they could get to PE, she realized that she had forgotten to run off some papers so she needed to head down the hall to the office.
The kids were going down this same hallway and she ended up following them. The young man in question did not realize this.
As they were all going down the hallway, he turned to his buddy and said, “She is a mean lesbian.”
Since my wife overheard this, she had no choice but to respond. So she tapped him on the shoulder.
She said “I can assure you that I am not mean.”
The young man stood in total silence as he attempted to comprehend the fact that his teacher may have just acknowledged she is gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).
This is why she is the funny one.