Spam: Thank You.

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I don’t understand Spam.  How it works.  Or what purpose it serves.

What I do know is Spammers know me.

They evidently know everything about me.

They know what I like.  What I need.  And what makes me tick.

I’m not going to lie, I love Spam (and not the kind you eat… that’s just gross… and more than a little slimy).

I Hate Spam.... But I LOVE Other Free Stuff.

I get my Spam in two ways.

The first is when they deliver it directly to my email address.  Often, on a daily basis.  Or more like 40 times a day.

It’s nice to know when I check my email that there are at least 27 messages from spammers.

The second way I get spammed is on comments to this blog.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when spammers take the time to share their thoughts on individual blogs (and more of you should… I’m just saying).

I’m not going to lie, all of this attention makes me feel really important.

The confusing part is how do they know so much about me?

Just this week they have tried to solve many of my problems.

They know I need diet pills.

And a baby name generator wizard.

And they believe I want to “meet” singles who have just moved into my neighborhood.

You have to admit, spammers are good.

They are helping me get an international drivers license.

And they are removing all of the spyware on my computer.

As an added bonus, they can enlarge parts of my body that I didn’t know could be enlarged.

I am overwhelmed by their generosity.

They are also willing to help me consolidate my debt.

And they are willing to show me how I can make millions off the internet right from my laptop.

I was thinking I’m the luckiest man in the world.

Then low and behold, it got even better.

I’ve evidently won the British Lottery and I’m the sole heir to the fortune of a Nigerian Queen.

It’s good to be me.

On top of all this good fortune, the spammers somehow know I need Viagra.

And by the number of emails they send me… lots of it.

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8 Responses to “Spam: Thank You.”

  1. Dianne Murray
    on Jun 12th, 2010
    @ 12:06 pm

    At least yours are interesting. I’m getting lines of stupid talk ending in naked. Like car specs! Naked??
    Askimet is catching them by the dozen now though, so I’m happy although I’m afraid it will get pretty tired!
    Now, I want some real comments on my blog, darn it!
    Mother of 35


  2. Dianne Murray
    on Jun 12th, 2010
    @ 12:09 pm

    Sorry, make that Akismet…it made more sense the other way.

  3. Diane
    on Jun 12th, 2010
    @ 7:45 pm

    You won the British Lottery? Congratulations! ;)

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Diane, Several times.

  4. Cheesy
    on Jun 13th, 2010
    @ 1:22 am

    Brilliant! I won that lottery too – amazing!
    You might be interested in this too – am going to try it myself…of course that would depend on whether you are dead keen on African Queens and viagra?

  5. tony
    on Jun 13th, 2010
    @ 5:26 am

    Switch to gmail. No more spam.

    Michael Smith Reply:

    I like Spam. Didn’t you read the blog?

  6. Melanie
    on Jun 13th, 2010
    @ 7:28 am

    The sad thing is there are many days when the only email I get is the spam! It makes me feel loved. Like junk mail in the mail box.

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