Oprah and Snow Shovels.

I spent the last few days in Chicago at an education conference.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is as soon as I arrived (late by the way… thanks Amtrak), I turned on the TV just in time to hear that Oprah Winfrey is leaving town.I Could Also Use This Snow Shovel to Smack People.

Evidently, Chicago isn’t big enough for the both of us.

I know I shouldn’t take this personally, but this hurts.  I’ve always felt like Oprah and I got along fairly well.

Sure, we had our disagreements about Gayle (Oprah loves her… I find her annoying) but for the most part we saw eye to eye.

I should admit that Dr. Phil strikes me as a little odd, but who am I to judge.  Good enough for Oprah, good enough for me.  Even though he seems like the creepy uncle your parents told you to avoid at family reunions.

But now she is leaving the Windy City.

Off to make her fame and fortune in Los Angeles.

Wait a second.  Doesn’t she already have fame and a little bit of fortune (by a little… I mean she bleeds gold bullion).

Why does she need her own television network?

More importantly, why is she starting her own television network.

She is worth about 8,000 billion dollars (when the market is down), so why doesn’t she just buy one of the crappy 700 channels I get (and don’t watch).

Then all she would have to do is move it to Chicago and rename it Oprah Land, OTV, or Oprah Classic (I would be very nervous TV Land, HGTV, and ESPN Classic… very nervous indeed).

But no, she has to wait until I arrive in Chicago to announce she is getting out.

To the uninformed, it looks like I drove her out.

That hurts Oprah.  That really hurts.

I have to admit that while the conference was excellent, Oprah’s little announcement put a damper on the whole weekend.

I found myself getting angry as I walked the streets of Chicago.

Then I realized I wasn’t upset with Oprah.  She has her life.  I have mine.

Even though we don’t always agree, I think it’s important that we continue to support each other (after all… we both do it for the kids…).

Who am I to say that she shouldn’t move for a job.  Tough times mean tough decisions.  Like all of us, poor Oprah has bills to pay (by poor… I don’t mean poor).

My anger was actually coming from the fact that people don’t know how to walk down the street.

Where has common courtesy gone?

Large groups of idiots would stop directly in the middle of a sidewalk.  Right smack in the middle of a pedestrian walkway on Michigan Avenue.

Why did they stop?  Who knows.  I’m guessing inbreeding, but don’t quote me on that.

I’ve had it with people who seem oblivious to the rest of society and what is going on around them.

So I’m here to ask for your permission…the permission of well-educated, hard-working PrincipalsPage.com readers.

I need permission to carry a large snow shovel around  so I can smack people in the face when they become a bother to the rest of us (mostly when they bug me… if they bother you it doesn’t really effect me).

No questions asked.  No legal liability.  No second-guessing.

Just me, smacking people upside the head to make the world a better place (not my idea… I have to give credit to Mr. Tony on my favorite podcasted radio show).

I’m going to start with people who stop short on busy sidewalks.

In the future, the snow shovel may come into play with people who text while driving, anyone who honks .05 seconds after a stoplight turns green, smokers, loud talkers in movie theaters, people who burn leaves when their city prohibits it, and weathermen.

I’m also going to need permission to add to my list as I see fit.

Thank you for listening.

If you need me I will be in the garage looking for my snow shovel and wondering how my relationship went so wrong, so quickly with Oprah.

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Cross the Baggage Handler and You’re Going to be Sorry.

I Wish My Luggage Was This Nice.I spent a day and a half in Chicago this past week. You would think I was doing some high level business thing, or having meetings, or even attending a convention of some sort.

Nope. Driving my wife back and forth as she does important stuff. At school, I am in charge of several things, but at home I am in charge of nothing.

While in the big city, I noticed several things. Here is what I learned.

1. If you stand in the middle of the sidewalk and stare up at the tall building, you might as well put a sign around your neck that says “I am a redneck from the small town of Hickory, USA, please take my money”.

2. The more people in a city, the less they want to interact with each other. Never make eye contact, never speak, because if you do it is assumed that you are a murderer.

3. Everyone in Chicago has a cell phone. If you want to speak to them, give them a call- but remember- never face to face.

4. Always look left before you cross the street. Failure to do so will result in a cab driver cursing you in some sort of loud Middle Eastern language that you have never heard before (but you will understand the meaning).

5. If you are difficult with the suitcase guy in the hotel, your bag will return to you in 48 hours smelling like urine.

6. Free Internet Access at a Marriot only costs $14.95 per day or 50 cents per minute (you do the math).

7. Drinks that cost $9.00 each don’t taste any better than a $2.50 drink in Hickory, USA.

8. If you fall asleep in a Chicago hotel, the city automatically sends out 14 ambulances and fire trucks with sirens blaring to wake you up.

9. It is sad to see a homeless person on the street. It is even sadder when the homeless person has a watch, a cell phone, and a $57 coffee from Starbucks.

10. One way streets are always going the wrong way when you are lost.

11. I don’t care who you are, kids that can text-message with both hands on two phones are very impressive.

12. People in the city must get sick a lot, because there is a Wal-Greens every 27 feet. Seriously, you can’t find a cop; but cough medicine, magazines, gum, and foot powder are everywhere.

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