Dancing Without Shoes? Not on My Wife’s Watch.


Women’s Restroom.

Women’s Restroom.

When you are employed as a school administrator, you get lots of opportunities to attend the very best social events.

Games, retirement dinners, more games, sports banquets, even more games, graduations, more games than anyone in the history of games has attended, school board meetings, musicals/plays, and dances.

And games.

Most are fun.

When I say fun, please note that I am not talking about dances.

There are dances for every season: fall, winter, and spring. Each one brings an opportunity to watch students dance.

If you want to call it dancing.

Personally, I think dances should be called “I Wouldn’t Dare Move My Body Like This In The Vicinity of Someone Else’s Body If My Grandmother or a State Trooper Was Within 100 Miles of This School” Event.

Ahh, the kids with their loud music and borderline criminal behavior.

What happened to the good old days when society was going to be ruined by Elvis’s swiveling hips?

The good part of dances for school administrators is… well, there isn’t a good part.

The bad part is you have to go. It’s not like when you were in high school. Back then you could just tell people “you didn’t want to go” and skip the dance. Of course this was code for: no one asked me out… again.

But that is a very sad blog for another time.

Actually, I consider a dance successful under one condition. Nothing horrible happens.

And remember, no matter how bad a high school dance is, it could be worse. It could be a junior high dance (actually it is only a dance for the girls… for the boys it is simply an excuse to run into the bathroom and pester their buddies).

At my house, every dance brings a special moment.

No, not a new suit, limo, or corsage.

A discussion.

A very long discussion.

You see, my wife has an issue.

Actually, she has many issues but I like living in my house so those will never be discussed in a future blog (unless I change the names to protect me…).

Her issue with dances is that girls spend lots of money on their appearance only to kick off their shoes 10 minutes after the dance has started.

And then they dance barefoot.

On a dirty and gross dance floor that she likes to call “Infection Central”.

This bothers her. But it gets better.

She used to simply hang around the edge of the dance floor and point out to young ladies what a bad idea it is to dance in your bare feet.

Now she has turned it up a notch.

She is officially the unofficial Restroom Gatekeeper.

You will find her close to the bathroom. This puts her in prime territory to point out not only how foolish it is to dance barefoot, but how young ladies compound their troubles when they go into the restroom.

Surprisingly, some young ladies don’t head her advice.

Even after she tells them they will get ringworm and their toes will fall off.

I am paraphrasing, but one time she told a group of young ladies that leeches were going to crawl onto their feet, up their legs, into their ears, and eat their brains if they took one more step. They did.

And they are still alive (as far as I know).

All of this leads me to my future.

A future of my one day 17 year old evil spawn arguing with her mom at a dance about footwear (or lack thereof).

I can even envision door slamming, yelling, and the phrase “You’re her father, I blame you. Go talk some sense into your child.”

I can hear this discussion in my head and its 9 years away.

My only hope is that I am not supervising that night. At least then, I can leave and not have to watch my daughter “dance.”

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That Sound You Hear is Mom Doing a Very Secret/Disturbing Dance.


Mom and Dad Are Happy!As the holidays come to a close it is time to take a look back at what we have just experienced.

This is a special time of the year because families get a chance to reconnect. Everyone slows down for a few days and spends time with their loved-ones.

While everyone gets excited about the holidays, nobody looks forward to this time of year more than moms.

All over the world, mothers get excited to have their kids home for some quality family time.

Children are out of school and on top of that… no homework! (this excitement goes for kids and moms)

But now the presents have been opened, the dinners have been eaten, and the time together has worn our mothers out.

It is now approaching every mother’s favorite time of the year. This only happens twice each year, so that makes it even more special.

School is about to be back in session. The holiday vacation is coming to a close. This is an exciting day for mom. Not quite as special as the end of summer vacation, but close (the end of summer vacation is like mom winning a $100 million dollar lottery; the end of holiday vacation is like winning $75 million).

Moms haven’t been this happy since their pregnancy was over.

Sure, all mothers love their children. They gave birth to us after all, but enough is enough.

They have cooked, cleaned, wrapped presents, done laundry, gone to the grocery store 119 times, picked up after us, and heard “I’m bored, there is nothing to do” one too many times.

On the outside, they express their love for their children. But inside, they are saying “Get Out and Don’t Let the Door Hit You In the ….” Moms can have quite the mouths on them.

Students have asked me about why the holiday break is a couple of weeks long. This is an easy one to answer and my answer is always the same.

That is the maximum amount of time moms can take their own evil spawn before they become physically violently ill at the mere sight of them. No one wants to see their mother have a meltdown, but if the holiday break was one day longer… well all I can say is, “It wouldn’t be pretty.”

Moms love their kids, but even they have their limits.

They act like they don’t want us to have to go back to school, but as soon as the front door closes behind us… they do a very secret moms’ dance (there could possibly be gyrating and pelvic thrusting so please don’t try and picture this… if you do go blind the PrincipalsPage.com legal staff says I am not liable).

I have often thought that moms with kids in school should buy presents for their child’s teacher after the break instead of before.

The quality of present would go way up. And I am talking 60 inch flat screen TV. Minimum. Maybe more, depending on how many siblings and arguments took place over the break.

Nothing like mom spending two weeks with her own kid(s) to put things in perspective.

You may be asking yourself… “What about Dads?”

Dads don’t care. We have garages to hide in.

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While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.