This has been weighing on me for nearly 3 weeks.
I need to get this off my chest. I’m tired of feeling like Mark McGwire (no, not juiced up with the strength of 7 men… sick to my stomach from the constant avoidance of the subject).
It’s time to discuss our “vacation” to Disney World.
I put the word “vacation” in quotes because it was no vacation. There was nothing “vacationey” about it. It was work.
With just a dash of stress and a pinch of exhaustion thrown in for good measure.
In this age of full-disclosure, I think it’s important to say that nobody does theme parks like Disney. Nobody.
The food, cleanliness, employees, fireworks, parades, and did I mention the food… all were great.
It is a wonderful place to take your kids.
I have to say this because I don’t want the Mickey Mouse Mob after me.
These people are crazy.
They are the ones who return to the park year after year. They never ever vacation anywhere else.
Disney is their shrine.
The whole situation is very cult-like.
You can always recognize them because they wear those goofy mouse ear hats (who pays good money for those things and do they wear them at home?).
Actually all of their clothes have Mickey Mouse on them.
T-shirts, jackets, sunglasses, panties… you name it (don’t ask how I know about the panties because I’m still working through those issues).
Some even have Mickey tattoos. Disturbing, I know.
The Mickey Mob Members are constantly talking about how things have changed over the years at the “Happiest Place on Earth”. As in “On our first trip to Disney back in 1979…”.
They are so misinformed.
The “Happiest Place on Earth” isn’t a theme park built around two mice living together in sin. It’s the empty hallways of a school on a summer day.
Actually that’s not true.
It’s the empty hallway and an empty lounge.
Now that’s happy (at least for a school administrator in June).
Disney wasn’t the problem (again, I don’t want to anger the Mob).
But there were some other issues. Mostly brought on by our poor planning or total lack of planning in general.
1. We went to Disney the day after school got out. Get home, pack, catch a plane. Bad idea. I had forgotten how tired one gets at the end of the first semester.
2. We flew over the Christmas break. Why didn’t someone tell us the airports were busy during this time of year.
3. We flew during the time some genius tried to make a bomb in his underpants. Bad idea for him. Added stress to us (although sadly security was NO different).
4. We went to Florida to enjoy the warm weather. I spent most of the time in a heavy coat (but not heavy enough) and a stocking cap.
5. We had tickets for 6 straight days of non-stop fun at the various Disney theme parks. The fun stopped about day 3.5.
Now I know people from the Mickey Mob will email me and say I just don’t get it. And they will be right.
I don’t get it.
I just don’t get why it’s so much fun to stand in line for 90 minutes to ride a ride for 90 seconds.
I don’t get why adults run across the park to get the autograph from a 20 year old intern dressed up as a mouse.
I don’t get why parents take their 8 month old to a theme park when all they want to do is cry and sleep.
I don’t get why a bottled water costs $48.
And I’m tired of arguing with the Evil Spawn about whether Goofy is a dog or not.
It’s all very confusing to me.
I need a vacation.
If you have kids (over the age of 5) you should go once. ONCE.