It’s a Small World. With a Rather Long Line.


It’s time.

Who am I kidding.  It’s past time.They Are Happy Because They Aren't Waiting in Line.

This has been weighing on me for nearly 3 weeks.

I need to get this off my chest.  I’m tired of feeling like Mark McGwire (no, not juiced up with the strength of 7 men… sick to my stomach from the constant avoidance of the subject).

It’s time to discuss our “vacation” to Disney World.

I put the word “vacation” in quotes because it was no vacation.   There was nothing “vacationey” about it.  It was work. 

Hard work.

With just a dash of stress and a pinch of exhaustion thrown in for good measure.

In this age of full-disclosure, I think it’s important to say that nobody does theme parks like Disney.  Nobody.

The food, cleanliness, employees, fireworks, parades, and did I mention the food… all were great.

It is a wonderful place to take your kids.

I have to say this because I don’t want the Mickey Mouse Mob after me.

These people are crazy.

They are the ones who return to the park year after year.  They never ever vacation anywhere else.

Disney is their shrine.

The whole situation is very cult-like.

You can always recognize them because they wear those goofy mouse ear hats (who pays good money for those things and do they wear them at home?).

Actually all of their clothes have Mickey Mouse on them.

T-shirts, jackets, sunglasses, panties… you name it (don’t ask how I know about the panties because I’m still working through those issues).

Some even have Mickey tattoos.  Disturbing, I know.

The Mickey Mob Members are constantly talking about how things have changed over the years at the “Happiest Place on Earth”.  As in “On our first trip to Disney back in 1979…”.

They are so misinformed.

The “Happiest Place on Earth” isn’t a theme park built around two mice living together in sin.  It’s the empty hallways of a school on a summer day.

Actually that’s not true.

It’s the empty hallway and an empty lounge.

Now that’s happy (at least for a school administrator in June).

Disney wasn’t the problem (again, I don’t want to anger the Mob).

But there were some other issues.  Mostly brought on by our poor planning or total lack of planning in general.

 

1.  We went to Disney the day after school got out.  Get home, pack, catch a plane.  Bad idea.  I had forgotten how tired one gets at the end of the first semester.

2.  We flew over the Christmas break.  Why didn’t someone tell us the airports were busy during this time of year.

3.  We flew during the time some genius tried to make a bomb in his underpants.  Bad idea for him.  Added stress to us (although sadly security was NO different).

4.  We went to Florida to enjoy the warm weather.  I spent most of the time in a heavy coat (but not heavy enough) and a stocking cap.

5.  We had tickets for 6 straight days of non-stop fun at the various Disney theme parks.  The fun stopped about day 3.5.

 

Now I know people from the Mickey Mob will email me and say I just don’t get it.  And they will be right.

I don’t get it.

I just don’t get why it’s so much fun to stand in line for 90 minutes to ride a ride for 90 seconds.

I don’t get why adults run across the park to get the autograph from a 20 year old intern dressed up as a mouse.

I don’t get why parents take their 8 month old to a theme park when all they want to do is cry and sleep.

I don’t get why a bottled water costs $48.

And I’m tired of arguing with the Evil Spawn about whether Goofy is a dog or not.

It’s all very confusing to me.

I need a vacation.

If you have kids (over the age of 5) you should go once.  ONCE.

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Going to Disneyworld. And Yet, We Hate Mice.


As I slop down this blog, it occurs to me that we only have two more days until the end of our semester.

I would celebrate this fact, but exhaustion prevents me from doing anything more than breathing and blinking.

If the stars align a little later, I’m going to take blinking out of the equation during what I believe is a well-deserved nap (which I’ve noticed Buddy the Dog is doing… for the last 4 1/2 hours… straight… hasn’t moved… may be dead for all I know…).

Once school is out I won’t have time to celebrate or nap.Since When Do Humans Like Mice?

You see (or read), we are going on a Griswold Family Vacation.  But not to Walley World.

Worse.

Disneyworld.

Yeah, you heard me.  Disneyworld and I’m not happy about it.

Why my disgust?

I don’t know.  Maybe you should ask the Tech Queen.  She doesn’t want to go either.

I’m assuming after typing the last 3 sentences that we qualify for the “Worst Parents Ever Award”.  Hopefully, the trophy presentation will be held next week so I won’t have to go to Disney.

Neither of us has ever been to Disneyworld or Disneyland.

Actually, we don’t even know which is which.  As Chevy Chase as my witness, I don’t know which one is in Orlando but I’m about to find out.

“The Happiest Place on Earth”.  Really?

I don’t think so.

I think the Happiest Place on Earth is the Teacher’s Lounge 45 seconds after the bell rings the day Winter or Summer Vacation begins.

All of those stale left-over treats (why can’t teachers put the lid back on the Tupperware container???) and no kids within 500 feet.

I’ve noticed people come out of the woodwork when I say we don’t want to go to Disney.

It’s the same people who bugged me about “When are you getting married?” and “When are  you starting a family?” and “When are you going to take some anger management classes?”

I hate those people.

I’m not overly enthusiastic about spending Christmas standing in line for a ride on which I could die.  I get enough experience with vomiting at work.

Plus, I’m assuming these rides are run and maintained by disillusioned carnie workers.

Don’t misunderstand me.  The carnie workers are my people.

I’m a big fan of anyone with a combined total of 17 tattoos and piercings (there goes my readership from county fair employees and tattoo shops…).

I just don’t want them double-checking (or not) all of the bolts on a thrill ride seconds before my untimely death.

I want to go out like Buddy.  In my sleep (he’s not really dead… just tired from… all of his previous naps).

As an added bonus, I’m assuming there will be other children at Disney.

Don’t get me wrong.  I like kids.

I love mine.

I just don’t like other people’s kids when I’m on vacation.

I only like other kids when I’m at school.

Maybe that’s because I can’t control them when I’m not working at school.

Or more likely, it’s because their parents can’t control them.

We will have to make sure we pack our “Teacher’s Looks”.  I love firing those off in public when parents aren’t looking.

I guess it doesn’t matter.  I will be spending 7 days getting my picture taken with Mickey, dining with princesses, and purchasing $14 dollar bottled-waters.

Maybe we will like it.  And if we don’t, at least I’ll have something to blog about.

So next Wednesday we will be flying to Disneyworld (I think that’s the one in Florida).

Unless of course, the park is closed when we arrive.

And just like Clark Griswold, that would make me angry.

I mean angrier.


“Sorry folks, park’s closed. Moose (or Mouse) out front shoulda told ya.”

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While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.