Television Shows Should Be 9 Minutes Long.

So Sleepy.  So Old.I don’t mean to brag, but there was a time when I could watch 17 straight hours of television and never leave the couch (not to eat or… well you know).

During my youth, I could easily watch 3 movies back to back to back and not even blink.


Now I can’t look at a TV screen without being overcome with the feeling that I’ve just ingested a 72 oz glass of anesthesia (which would be smaller than the mega gigantic sodas they sell kids at convenience stores… can we make these illegal already?).

There’s something about life after the age of 40 (if you can call it a life). People warned me unexplainable aches and pains would show up when I reached this advanced age.

They were right.

What they didn’t tell me was that I would doze off after watching half a commercial.

People ask me what my favorite show is and I tell them I have no idea. I haven’t seen an entire television program in at least a decade (is Happy Days still on?).

My life can be broken down into two distinct eras. The years of my youth when I was alert and focused and on top of my game.

I call those The Golden Years (I just made that up).

And now my life is a pathetic existence where I spend my days just waiting for an opportunity to rest my eyes for only a quick second.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t like where this is headed (life never seems to end well).

I’m turning into an old person who eats dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon so they can be in bed by 6.

Of course this means I will be awake at 2 o’clock in the morning so I can sit at the kitchen table and wait for the newspaper to arrive.

The newspaper that no longer exists.


Not about the newspapers.


During the course of writing(?) this blog, I took two naps. Seriously.

Even sadder, school will start soon and the kids in each grade will be the exact same age they were last year. Me on the other hand

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Newspapers, Multiple Choice Questions, and My Medication.

This Really Isn't My Medication.  As Far As You Know.I seem to be having more and more random thoughts that don’t deserve an entire blog. My medication may need to be adjusted. Again.

While most of my thoughts aren’t fully formed, once they get stuck in my head I can’t seem to shake them. I consider these random thoughts to be the runts of the blog litter.

They probably don’t qualify for a full-fledged blog, but let’s be honest- I can only come up with so many things that amuse me. The only way for me to get rid of these thoughts seems to put them in a blog.

Once I do that, I can’t remember what I wrote two days later. Again an adjustment of medication would probably help.

Since all of these thoughts can’t make the cut for fully formed adult bloghood; some must sit at the card table of the blog family with the other childlike blogs (they have to hope that Grandpa Blog dies soon, so they can sit at the main table).

My latest random thought (speaking of dying) is the fact that newspapers are going by the wayside.

I find myself reading more and more of my newspapers online. In fact, it seems that I get most of my information on the world from internet sites (when I need information on America’s Biggest Redneck, Brittany Spears- you can’t expect me to wait for the morning paper).

Should I consider myself lazy when it takes too much effort to go outside, pick up the paper, take the rubber band off, actually open up the newspaper and then read it (I didn’t even mention the part where I have to turn the pages)?

It is easier to just click on a website.

Strangely, I seem to trust the information I get from the internet more than what I get from TV news or the newspaper. At one time in my life I thought whatever I read in the newspaper was honest and what I saw on the news was truthful.

Now I rely almost solely on the internet. At first I didn’t trust the internet news because it was new and new things are scary (if you don’t believe me ask someone over the age of 60).

It was kind of like when my parents got their first microwave and I wasn’t allowed to stand in from of it. There was some fear that tumors would sprout out of my head like flowers in the springtime if I stood too close while I microwaved a hot dog (I wish I was kidding, but this might explain the medication issue).

Now I tend to think that all news on TV and in newspapers is slanted in some way.

I don’t consider what they do lying; it is just that these media outlets tell the truth as they see it. Much like a 5th grade boy or a 7th grade girl.

I probably shouldn’t badmouth newspapers, because some of them actually pick up this blog and run it on their websites (mostly as a space filler I think because they certainly don’t pay me- this is my sad and pathetic attempt at sympathy).

There are bad things about getting your news online… mainly, you can’t use a website to pack when you move (Sometimes I give myself a headache as these “thoughts” pass through my head- it is either genius, old age, or just plain stupidity- I can’t decide which).

My high school history teacher would have phrased the question like this:

Question #37 Is this blogger the way he is because of
a. Genius
b. Old age
c. Stupidity
d. All of the above
e. None of the above
f. Both a and b
g. Both b and c
h. I had no idea there was a test today

As you pause for a moment and discuss this among yourselves, I will move on.

Thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to vote for this blog as Best New Blog of 2007 on

The purpose of this blog was never to win awards (although I do like trophies), but it was simply to…. actually who am I kidding, it never really had an actual point to it.

That is the blog’s genius…. or stupidity… or both… or I had no idea I had to answer a multiple choice question when I started reading this blog.

Thanks again for your votes and nice emails. Now you may want to go and consider reading a newspaper (you may need to move one day).

While you do that, I’m off to take more medication (less medication is never the answer).

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