Presents.

I have come to realize that I only have these responsibilities for another 11 years. After that she is society’s problem.

Actually, I hope she is never a problem.

Hope is the key word here.

Time will tell how I have done at my part of the job as a parent (by my calculations I am responsible for 37.98% of the child rearing… the rest is all mom).

I only get one shot at this.

From learning to ride a bike, to hitting a softball, to keeping her room clean, to clearing the dinner table, to boys (ugh… I think I just threw up in my mouth), to changing a flat tire… the list is long of things I have to teach her.

I have no previous experience in raising a young lady. No qualifications. I didn’t take any classes to learn the skills of fatherhood. I haven’t passed any sort of standardized test. And I am not even required to have a license.

The state makes me buy a fishing license every year. But when it comes to raising a child, they just turned me loose. However, putting a worm on a hook and throwing it into a pond…. that takes $10 and two forms of ID.

Even with this lack of experience, my hope is she doesn’t grow up being a complete mess.

And I don’t mind saying, so far so good.

She will be turning 8 this spring and has never been convicted of a felony. Key word here, convicted.

And she doesn’t have any tattoos. That you can see.

By all accounts, my child rearing skills have to be rated at least average.

As a father, my original plan was to look back at my childhood for guidance on how to raise her.

But, I decided that might not be the best idea.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about how I grew up. It was great.

I just want better for her.

Isn’t that what makes a successful society? Our kids (our replacements) being better than us. If we are being honest, they are already smarter.

I have settled on a plan that is focused on giving her opportunities. Not gifts. Not money. Not stuff. Just the chance to see and do many different things.

Lots of things.

All sorts of things.

Sports, movies, books, museums, travel, piano, skiing, swimming, playing pool, going to historical sites, crafting, exercise, politics, and this list also goes on and on.

Most of these activities don’t cost a lot of money, just time.

My master plan includes exposing her to different things and all kinds of people. With these experiences she will be in a better position to figure out what she loves.

Then maybe she can help make society better, not worse. And hopefully, at the same time she finds happiness.

And with that I will consider her successful. And me a slightly above average dad.

But who knows. Like all parents, you get one shot per child and you hope for the best

Truth be told, I don’t have a plan.

I am just winging it.

And counting on mom.

Comments: 11
Tags: Evil Spawn/Daughter, father, parenting

I was reminded of this saying last night when one of our smoke detectors starting beeping… every 45 seconds… every 45 seconds… every 45 seconds…

… until I dragged my big tired behind out of bed and pulled the battery out. The official time was 3:53 a.m.

I tried to wait it out until someone else got up and fixed it, but no one seemed concerned that the house might be on fire (my reaction was the same when I heard the baby cry… ride it out and act like you’re asleep).

Did I mention that I had to get dressed, go out into the cold garage, and bring in a 10 foot step ladder?

By the end of this little construction project, I was wide awake.

What a lovely way to start my Sunday. What happened to the days when I could sleep in? What happened to the days when I didn’t own a smoke detector?

Another question: Why do smoke alarms only need new batteries in the middle of the night? They never seem to go bad in the afternoon.

This annoying, slightly exhausting experience reminded me of what my dad used to say when I was a teenager.

“Nothing good happens after midnight.”

It’s true.

In this case and in every other.

Seldom has anything productive or positive happened after the hands on the clock say 12:00 a.m. (or if you are younger than 25… when the digital clock on your cell phone reads 12:00 am).

I believe more parents should keep this in mind. Especially, as their kids grow older and demand more freedom. The first thing young people ask for are longer hours to be with their friends (and a Wii, cell phone, mp3 players, a car, and everything else expensive and electronic).

Too often, teenagers (and sadly, even younger kids) find themselves in complicated situations that seem to always happen in the middle of the night.

Usually these events occur well after they should be home. And compounding the problem, these kids are generally completely unsupervised by clear thinking adults.

You rarely pick up a newspaper and read that a young person (or worse, a group) has gotten themselves into trouble between the hours of 5:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m. (or read about it online, as it is 2008)

These things always happen way later than what should be considered a reasonable hour for a child to be out.

And often it is after midnight.

So the next time a curfew is set, I hope someone remembers the advice that I got and didn’t want.

Nothing good happens after midnight.

Actually, that isn’t true. One good thing can happen.

The teenager can grow up and have their own smoke alarms to worry about.

Comments: 6
Tags: curfew, discipline of children, midnight, parenting, Parents

As I continue my career as a school administrator (unless you’ve heard something, and if so please send me an email ASAP… it could be awkward if I show up at work tomorrow), I have learned that parents have a limited amount of time to raise their children.

If I wasn’t employed in education, I would have missed out on this lesson in life.

When I was younger (much, much younger), I thought the parenting cycle was from birth to the age of 18. I believed parents were in charge of their kids until they left for college and moved out of the house.

After working with students and parents for the past several years, I have gained a much broader perspective.

I have discovered parents have only 14 short years (give or take a few months) to instill their values and beliefs into their kids.

After a child celebrates their 14th birthday, parents are no longer calling the shots but are merely acting as consultants.

At this point, teenagers start to take their advice and guidance from anyone and everyone not named mom or dad.

This is tough for some parents to believe, but I think it is true.

If parents have a good relationship with their child during their younger years, they have a much better chance of becoming a full-time, well-thought of consultant (doesn’t pay well, but beats the alternative).

If they have not had a quality relationship, they may end up getting fired as consultant (this is the alternative and it pays much worse… in fact it can cost you money).
14 years. It isn’t a very long time. And as I head into year 7 of my parenting cycle, I am quickly realizing how quickly this time passes.

In a few short years you have to give your kids structure, discipline, manners, kindness, worth ethic, common sense, and an appreciation for education.

It is a big job, but it can be done.

And it has to be done. Because while you can continue to offer advice and guide them for the rest of their lives, their basic values have already been set.

I believe that parents who think they can jump in and fix their kids when they are 15 or 16 or 18 are in for a rude awakening.

At that point a team of the consultants may not be able to change them (or lawyers…).

Then a parent’s best hope is that the child changes themselves. And that doesn’t always turn out very well.

Comments: 6
Tags: discipline, parenting, peer pressure