The Dog is a Cash Cow.

Buddy Just Might Pay for the Evil Spawn's College.

Buddy the Dog has done it again.

Another endorsement.

I’ve warned him about letting this go to his head (it’s important he keeps all 4 paws grounded).

He needs to understand that fame and fortune can be flitting.

Just ask Tiger (alright, bad example… he still has plenty of both).

Buddy’s Orange Soda is made by the New Ulm Brewing & Beverage Company in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota… and it wouldn’t kill them to send me a case (or 2). 

I’m just saying.

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Death, Taxes, and Hotel Workout Rooms.

There is very little you can count on in this world.

Politicians.  Nope.

Tiger Woods.  I don’t think so.

Anything good on TV.  Probably not (I think we need more channels).I Need a Fancy Excercise Outfit.

Swine Flu sweeping the country?  Not this year (or ever).

But all is not lost.

Even in 2010, you can still be sure of 3 things.

One, you will die.  I’m not exactly sure when or how, but it will happen (sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are better off hearing it from me than some random stranger…).

Second, every government body known to man will tax you until you are beyond poor (and then when you run out of money, they will try to raise your taxes).

Third and most importantly to me, when you enter a hotel workout room it is a 100% mortal lock guarantee you will see a couple of things.

As you enter the surprisingly small room with a very strange smell, you will instantly notice the piece of workout equipment you want to use is broken.

You want to ride the stationary bike for 60 minutes before your big meeting?  Sorry, it won’t start.

Want to spend some time on the treadmill to relax before a presentation?  I don’t think so, because it needs to be repaired.

Simply want to lift weights to relieve some stress?  Not today, half of them are missing.

It never fails.

The other thing you will ALWAYS see in a hotel workout room is someone “working out” who has never “worked out” in their life.

You can recognize this person by the fact that they spend most of their time trying to figure out how to start each and every piece of exercise equipment.

They pretty much just wander around for an hour (often in a very sheik sweat suit).

When they do figure out how to start a machine, they “workout” hard for 4 minutes.

After they finish, they sprint to get a drink of water like they’ve been in the desert for 17 days.

I like it when life is predictable.

I would like it better if I was immortal and didn’t have to pay taxes.

These two are important because I will never find a stair stepper that works when I need one.

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Top Posts of 2009. And the Duds.

It’s time to summarize what I’ve accomplished in the past year.

In two words:  not much.

131 blog entries have produced little more than some rambling incoherent thoughts.  Tens of thousands of words and yet my writing skills remain largely sarcastic, immature, and borderline angry.2009 Blogs.  They Can't All Be Winners.

Ahh, who am I kidding?

It’s good to be me.

The Blog continues to grow each and every month.  What started out as a pathetic attempt to amuse myself has turned into a pathetic attempt to amuse others.

People from all over the world (171 countries in 2009) have taken time out of their days (and nights… who knew so many people read blogs between the hours of 12 am to 5 am???) to visit and sometimes even leave a comment.

Comments are one of the ways to judge which blogs people like and dislike (another way:  long rambling emails laced with lots of cursing).

What I have learned over my last 42 years of writing blogs is that I have no idea what subjects interest people.

The blogs that get the most comments are often times written (or thrown together) in 15 minutes.

The ones in which I put actual thought and effort often turn out to be duds.

So with that in mind, I have complied a list of the “Most Popular” blog entries by month (based on the number of comments) for this past year:


January 2009 is the Year of the Blog.
February When Hiring Employees, Avoid This Mistake.
March People Want a Boss.
April Is Your Email Address Keeping You From Getting An Interview?
May Swine Flu.  Just When Schools Thought They Had Heard of Everything.
June Girls and Sports.  Why Their Love of Sports Isn’t Really Love at All.
July If You Think Your Kid is Gifted.  Think Again.
August 5 Things I Haven’t Done (and Everyone Else Has).
September I’m Old.  And Evidently Fat.
October Schools Can’t Change.
November Fired.
December Helicopter Parents:  Leave Your Kids Alone.

I would be remiss if I didn’t include a list of what I thought would be “Instant Classics” that turned out to be “Colossal Failures” (based on the number of comments).  Who knows, maybe someone will feel sorry for these and leave a comment (or 12).


January What Feelings?  I’m a School Administrator.
February We Need More 8 Year Old Kindergarten Students.
March Enough With the Resumes.
April Class Reunions.  Pick a Side.
May School Pictures:  How Many Friends Do They Think I Have?
June Dancing Without Shoes?  Not on My Wife’s Watch.
July It’s an Odd Feeling Meeting People.  Especially, When They Already Know You.
August Is Three-Day Weekend a Mood?
September Speeding Ticket:  The Prequel.
October The Golden Rule:  Scream at Others and They Will Scream at You.
November The Weather is Too Nice to Blog.
December All Blogs Are Niche Blogs.

So 2009 comes to an end. 

I’ve worked a full-time job; written some blogs; traveled to Washington D.C., Miami, and Walt Disneyworld; attended countless meetings and presentations; watched what seems like a thousand athletic events between school and my Evil Spawn; and had an endless supply of snot-nosed 3rd graders visit my home.

I also started a very special relationship with Buddy the Dog (again, don’t judge us) which has nothing to do with the point I’m attempting to make.

And I look forward to 2010, I am struck with one thought.

How have I escaped the Swine Flu?

Wasn’t I supposed to be sick by now?  The government and the media was obsessed with me getting the flu during the first 11 months of the year.  They wanted me to get a shot.  They trained me to cough into my arm instead of my hands.

They told me to close school if students were sick.

What happened?

Oh yeah, Tiger Woods went for a drive in the middle of the night.

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That Was Awkward.

I’m sure everyone has moments where they do something so incredibly stupid they are immediately horrified and fear someone they know has seen them.

No?The Men's Room is On the Right.  Not Left.

Just me?

Alrightly then.

Then as far as you know, the following story probably did not happen.

Since Tiger Woods’s plan was to keep totally quiet about his “situation”, I’m going the other way.

I don’t want a Swedish nanny mad at me.  And trashing my new Escalade (or 2000 Ford Taurus… whatever).

A few days ago (or never as far as you know), I had to go into that den of commercialization, Wal-mart.

I also had to use the restroom.

Lucky for me, at some point Wal-mart figured out they should place the public restrooms in the front of the store.  For that they have my undying gratitude.  No more walking hurriedly or running down the aisles to reach the bathroom in back (which is like 7 miles from where you park).

Now you walk in the front of the store, greet the greeter, try not to comment on their oxygen tank, hang a left, and hit the bathroom.  All before you go and spend hundreds of dollars on things you really don’t need.

On this particular day (or not), that was my plan

So I said hello to the 85 year old greeter and headed right for the restroom.

Pushed the door open like I owned the place.  And why wouldn’t I?  I was dressed in my official school administrator uniform (suit and tie) and I looked like a million bucks (or so I thought).

There I was standing in the restroom all by myself (thankfully).

Then I noticed something wasn’t quite right.

What was it?

Was the restroom not clean?  No.

What was it?

I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Something was wrong.

It looked like a restroom.  It smelled like a restroom.

Then I noticed there weren’t any urinals.


I wondered to myself why Wal-mart had a Men’s Room without urinals.


So I thought, I’ll just use the stall. 

Bad idea.

As I went to push open the first stall door, it occurred to me.

Oh, crap!!!  I yelled to myself inside my head (probably not the best choice of words in a restroom situation).

This wasn’t the Men’s Room.

It was the Ladies Room.

My second thought was… so this is how my career in school administration ends.

I knew it would happen eventually, but much to my surprise it was coming to a close in of all places… the Ladies Room at Wal-mart.

I had to get out of this situation and quick.

So I backtracked like no one has ever backtracked.

I immediately threw the door of the ladies room open just in time to bump into a gentlemen who was headed to the correct bathroom.

He said, “What are you doing in there?”

I said “Not using a urinal”

Thankfully, he laughed.  And didn’t call security.

I have never been so relieved (another bad choice of words) to be in the right restroom.

And unlike Tiger Woods I’m getting out ahead of my awkward situation.


Note from Editor and Chief “AKA Wife”.  As I was proofreading this post (and NO I didn’t know of this “incident”) it brought to mind the men’s restroom in our school’s office.  We have a separate single women’s restroom and men’s restroom available for faculty use.  The women’s restroom is usually occupied since our staff is 95% female.  Sadly, the women on our staff do not think twice about using the men’s “available” restroom when the women’s is unavailable.  My guess is that our 5% male staffers probably do not appreciate this and would NEVER EVER be caught dead walking out of the women’s bathroom… unless it happens to be a certain male writer of this blog. ;)

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Tiger Woods is a Mess. But So Are We.

I’m amazed at the number of people who’ve asked why I haven’t written about Tiger Woods.

My first thought… has something happened to Tiger? (for the uninitiated, this is a little something called sarcasm). 

We Hardly Knew You.

The truth is I haven’t blogged about him because the situation isn’t exactly funny or educational.

At least the good type of educational. 

There’s certainly a lot to learn.

I hate to say it, but I think as time goes by we may find out there are bigger issues that have caused his reckless behavior.

I may be proven wrong (wouldn’t be the first time… today… or well, any day), but I’ve worked in schools long enough to recognize when kids or adults act out in ways that are so out of the ordinary, something else is going on.

It could be drugs, alcohol, childhood issues, or who knows… but there’s something that isn’t quite right (I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve never come up with a theory that I didn’t think was pure genius).

I’m not making excuses for Tiger because no matter what, he is an idiot.

Maybe the biggest idiot in the history of mankind.  Lucky for him, another famous person will one-up his idiocy in the next few months (won’t the rich, famous, and powerful ever learn?).

Don’t believe me?

Woods has made President Clinton look like a man who has excellent personal judgment. 

The only people worse than Tiger are the ones around him.  For them to look the other way for all of these years is a crime in itself.

This once again proves my theory that all of us need to be surrounded by people who will tell us when we are wrong.  That’s a gift school administrators (and everyone) can give ourselves. 

Hire people who are smarter and better people than you.

Don’t try to be the smartest person in the room (and note to Tiger… you weren’t the smartest… by a long shot).

No matter how much blame I place on Tiger and his posse of doofuses, we are also to blame.

Parents, sports fans, and society as a whole. 

Tiger evidently has some problems.  And I mean problems besides running from his wife, writing checks to half the waitresses in America (and I’m assuming there are some overseas…), and having the entire world judge and make fun of him for at least the next 60 years.

I can remember when his biggest problems were drunk guys yelling “You the Man!” in the middle of his swing.

Our problem isn’t that Tiger Woods has disappointed us.  It’s that we continue to allow athletes the opportunity to disappoint us.

He’s human.

Obviously, very human.  Like a spoiled frat boy who has credit cards with no limit.

His fans (me included) believed his commercials.

We forgot those companies were selling us a product.  And Tiger Woods was the product.

When companies advertise, they don’t tell us the downside to their product.  They accentuate the positives.

Evidently, they REALLY accentuated the positives with Tiger.

He’s a golfer.

A very rich guy who can hit a little white ball.  That’s it. 

That’s the whole story.

He’s not a role model.

He’s not someone our kids should look up to.  He’s a golfer with terrible judgment (and a bit of a potty mouth).

If we want to watch him golf for entertainment, that’s great.

If we think his athletic abilities are an indication of his morals, we are wrong.  Those are two distinctly different things.

Our society overpays and overworships athletes.

This starts in grade school and goes all the way to professional sports.

Tiger’s priorities are out of whack.

But so are ours.


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All Blogs Are Niche Blogs.

My last blog (the one before this one) inspired several people to point out I had fallen off the Sarcasm Train.

I don’t mind saying that hurt.  Falling off a train almost always stings.

I pride myself on my ability to be sarcastic.  Without being too hateful (practice makes perfect).

Or maybe I’m hateful.  Whatever.  Makes me little difference.I Need Sarcasm, Like I Need Oxygen.

I’m here for my own amusement, not to entertain the people who should be focusing on their work instead of cruising the internet and reading my blog.

Maybe the last blog wasn’t sarcastic.  Maybe I was expanding my writing techniques.  Maybe I had a head cold.  Or maybe I just happened to be in a good mood that particular day.

Actually it was none of those.  I just took a day off from the sarcasm. 

Even Tiger Woods has a bad day once in a while (cocktail waitresses Tiger???… did you really expect them to keep a secret for the next 50 years considering you are 1 of the 10 most famous people in the world???).

Our friends at Wikipedia define sarcasm as a rhetorical device of using a characterization of something or someone in order to express contempt.

I almost feel giddy just typing it.

Education is ripe for this type of contempt.  There is always something or someone who needs slapped down in the educational world.

And I’m more than willing to do my part.

If nothing else, I’m a team player.

There is a problem with sarcasm though.  Most people don’t get it.  Many think it’s mean or stupid.

But I’m okay with that.

It makes me smile.  And by smile I mean roll my eyes.

There is an even larger problem.

I’m writing (?) for a  very finite group.

Readers tell me they don’t blog because no one would be interested in what they have to say.  I think this is dead wrong.  There are lots of crazy people who think just like they do (and they are out there… trust me).

All blogs are niche blogs.  Take mine for example (and it is for sale if anyone is interested).

You have all of the blogs in the world.  Get rid of the 99.42% that don’t deal with education.  Then take all of the educators in the world and get rid of the 99.42% who don’t read blogs.

Then lose the 98.37% of blog reading educators who don’t read this blog.

And then scrap the ones who hate sarcasm and think I’m an idiot (nearly 100%).

That’s how you come up with my readers.

Not a huge group.

Somewhere in the vicinity of .000000000027345% of people who have internet.

But lucky for me, it’s a loyal group.

On a monthly basis it’s thousands of people who have an interest in education, schools, teachers, students, administrators, technology, sarcasm, and evidently mediocre writing.

It’s quite obvious what they like.


And lot’s of it.

So I’m returning to my roots.

No more intelligent, thought-provoking blogs about parenting and the effects it has not only on schools, but our society.

I’m going back to the tried and true.

Anger, disgust, and contempt for all things that bother me.

And of course my love of Buddy the Dog

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While this site operates with the knowledge and awareness of the Tuscola CUSD #301 School Board, Tuscola, Illinois, the content and opinions posted here may or may not represent their views personally or collectively, nor does it attempt to represent the official viewpoint of Tuscola CUSD #301 administrators or employees.