Television Shows Should Be 9 Minutes Long.

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So Sleepy.  So Old.I don’t mean to brag, but there was a time when I could watch 17 straight hours of television and never leave the couch (not to eat or… well you know).

During my youth, I could easily watch 3 movies back to back to back and not even blink.

Now?

Now I can’t look at a TV screen without being overcome with the feeling that I’ve just ingested a 72 oz glass of anesthesia (which would be smaller than the mega gigantic sodas they sell kids at convenience stores… can we make these illegal already?).

There’s something about life after the age of 40 (if you can call it a life). People warned me unexplainable aches and pains would show up when I reached this advanced age.

They were right.

What they didn’t tell me was that I would doze off after watching half a commercial.

People ask me what my favorite show is and I tell them I have no idea. I haven’t seen an entire television program in at least a decade (is Happy Days still on?).

My life can be broken down into two distinct eras. The years of my youth when I was alert and focused and on top of my game.

I call those The Golden Years (I just made that up).

And now my life is a pathetic existence where I spend my days just waiting for an opportunity to rest my eyes for only a quick second.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t like where this is headed (life never seems to end well).

I’m turning into an old person who eats dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon so they can be in bed by 6.

Of course this means I will be awake at 2 o’clock in the morning so I can sit at the kitchen table and wait for the newspaper to arrive.

The newspaper that no longer exists.

Sad.

Not about the newspapers.

Me.

During the course of writing(?) this blog, I took two naps. Seriously.

Even sadder, school will start soon and the kids in each grade will be the exact same age they were last year. Me on the other hand

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7 Responses to “Television Shows Should Be 9 Minutes Long.”


  1. Karen
    on Jun 28th, 2011
    @ 7:53 pm

    O my, you have no idea what is coming….from your retired reader Karen who is much older than you.
    PS. Are you at ISTE?


  2. wozza
    on Jun 28th, 2011
    @ 10:42 pm

    I tried really hard to read your latest blog but I dozed off…

    Monday, Tuesday – happy days – you know this is still playing somewhere right now – it’ll outlast us brother.


  3. Alex
    on Jun 29th, 2011
    @ 12:26 am

    As for your 1st paragraph — same with me! I even recall trying to stay with the Twilight Zone marathons by staying awake for 24 hours.

    Now, I do all my catch-up sleeping during school breaks … It’s amazing how different I feel when I get 8-9 hours of sleep!


  4. Michelle Howell-Martin
    on Jun 29th, 2011
    @ 5:28 am

    I have one word for you: espresso.

    Michael Smith Reply:

    @Michelle Howell-Martin, I don’t drink caffeine.

    Maybe I should.


  5. Tina Francis
    on Jun 29th, 2011
    @ 8:30 am

    I was always told the older you get the less sleep you need. They were wrong! I need as much sleep now as I did when I was younger.


  6. Jen
    on Jun 29th, 2011
    @ 9:31 am

    I know I’m not 40 (26 actually), but I found in the last few years I was dozing off. Turns out I have sleep apnea. Same thing with my mom. Once we figured it out, we both were a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine to combat our apnea.

    I’m not saying this is the cause, but if you are sleeping and normal amount of hours and still doze off during the day – ask your doctor about it. Just takes a simple sleep study to find out.

    Good luck!

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