The Chocolate Milk Kid is Back. Be Afraid. I Am.

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My What you are about to read actually happened. The names have not been changed, mainly because I don’t know the Chocolate Milk Kid’s name. But, that face is forever seared into my head and haunts me like a bad dream.

If you will recall, there was an “incident” a few weeks ago involving me, chocolate milk, and a renegade kindergarten kid (if you are lost, you may want to November 11 blog).

Well, he’s back.

I thought he and I had an understanding. I would avoid him at all costs and stay at least 50 feet away from him during school hours (like a self-imposed restraining order) and he would not accidently hit me in my man parts.

So I have spent most of the fall avoiding him and trying not to make eye contact (because I didn’t want to anger him).

I thought this was an excellent idea on my part. But, my best laid plans came crashing to a close yesterday.

Minding my own business, I was headed down the hallway to get my daily dose of chocolate milk (quite a bargain at 25 cents if you ask me) and then it happened.

I felt a presence before I even saw him. It was like a cold breeze had come down the hallway (this may be a bit overdramatic- some kid left the front door of the school open).

Just like Batman, he came out of the shadows. At that moment, I thought I was alone in the hallway and then suddenly, out of nowhere, he was right behind me.

My first thought was I should scream like a little girl and run and find an authority figure. But on second thought, it occurred to me that might be perceived as weakness by the teachers. Who can respect an administrator who screams and runs away from a 5 year old child?

Before I could make a decision on the screaming/running, the boy says “Hey, I know you!”

I interpreted this to mean, “Hey, old bald man in the ugly tie, I am an above average reader and I stumbled across your blog last night as I was cruising the internet. I read what you wrote about me and now I am going to kick your behind in front of the entire school.”

In retrospect it is possible that I read too much into what he said. Things were happening so fast at this point. About this time I began to feel a little light headed and there was some concern on my part that I might throw up.

And then my worst nightmare. Well, not worst. He didn’t hit me again, but he said, “I know where you live.”

I can no longer simply avoid him at school. The little guy with the strong right hook knows where I live.

I must have had a look of amazement combined with fear and a touch of shock on my face.

It was all happening so fast. The entire conversation probably only took 10 seconds, but to me it seemed to me that time had stopped.

The scary part… I don’t live in the same town in which I work. This kid has obviously gone out of his way to follow me home. He has specifically targeted me.

I hope everyone doesn’t lose respect for me, but I am considering not returning to work next week.

If I do go in, I am wearing protection. And I am not walking down that hallway in the morning alone.

It’s not safe.

Who knew a kid with a SpongeBob backpack and a Shrek lunchbox could be so scary?

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One Response to “The Chocolate Milk Kid is Back. Be Afraid. I Am.”


  1. School Pictures: How Many Friends Do They Think I Have? | PrincipalsPage The Blog
    on May 3rd, 2009
    @ 2:35 pm

    [...] Another item that is taking over my desk is school pictures. Not of students. [...]

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