The glorious snow day used to be an all day celebration of sleeping in, overeating, watching bad TV, and taking at least 3 coma-like naps.
Now it is dead to me.
I can’t look at it, speak of it, or think about it.
I have been crossed and jilted for the last time. I feel dirty and used. I am not going to lie, I could use a shower.
You see, I used to be in charge of our snow day schedule.
I decided what time we rolled over in bed and turned on the television. I decided that we finally needed to shower around 4 in the afternoon. I even helped make the traditional dinner of freshly baked brownies covered by vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup (aka: a Hot and Cold Treat… if you haven’t tried it, you should).
As a snow day came to an end, I would decide when we needed to put our belly aches to bed. Often times it was around 7:30 pm (you can’t nap that long while mixing in bowls and bowls of junk food without getting stomach cramps…and the only thing that will fix stomach cramps is 12 straight hours of shut-eye).
Now these powers that I cherished for so long have been ripped away from me.
Ruling the snow day was my last bastion of power.
My reign is over.
The one I helped create has tossed me aside like a piece of trash.
My daughter is now in charge.
It started yesterday when she woke up shortly after 9:00 am. Within 2 minutes of crawling out of bed and making her way to the couch, she announced “I’m bored.”
I should have recognized that by making this statement she was insane, but I didn’t.
The look in her eyes should have told me I was dealing with a full blown case of the crazies, but admittedly I am a little slow on the uptake.
I compounded my mistake by engaging her in conversation.
I simply should have walked away, but I didn’t.
Being the genius I am, I asked what she wanted to do.
She certainly has lots of options: TV, Wii, books, coloring, crafting, going outside, playing games on the computer… the list goes on and on.
Of course all of these are boring. She is living the life I could have only dreamed of, but 2 minutes into a snow day she is bored out of her mind. Must have been nothing to watch on the 842 TV stations that I provide for her.
Her solution. Have a friend over.
Did she just say what I think she said?
Having loser friends over is not on the list of pre-approved, very quiet and restful snow day activities. What happened to watching Regis? Or more importantly, watching Kelly? Or spending an hour catching up on the sad an pathetic life of an 80’s hair band?
Did they all waste their money on cheap beer and cold women (or vice versa)?
I thought we had an understanding in this house.
All of a sudden it is like the Wild West. Every man and child fighting for the snow day power.
What was wrong with bad TV, naps, and Hot and Cold Treats? We had a system. I though everyone was happy. And by everyone, of course I mean me.
But, it gets worse.
In her crazy power grab, she decided that 1 friend running/screaming around our house wasn’t annoying enough. She needed 2 friends to help her break out of her abyss of boredom.
This is a child who revels in the fact that she doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. She doesn’t want one because they might touch her stuff or change the channel as she watches the same SpongeBob episode for the 57th time.
And yet, she wants friends over all the time.
This doesn’t seem fair to me.
At least if they were my kids I could punish them. Or smack them upside the head when their mother wasn’t looking.
Needless to say she won this battle. And now that I think about it, every other battle.
So this became my snow day.
Dodging three 2nd graders who spent 6 straights hours of running and screaming. And screaming and running.
Most of the time they weren’t even running after each other or screaming for a reason. Just indescribable movement and noise.
I don’t mind admitting that my ears are sore.
The sad part: I am paid good money at school to keep hundreds of children under control.
Rule #1 – no running and no screaming.
Rule #2 – see Rule #1
Yet at my house these simple rules are mocked. And I am in charge of nothing.
So my lifelong friend the snow day has left me forever. Or at least until my daughter and renegade friends leave for college.
In the meantime, I hope we have school tomorrow. I need the peace and quiet.